Sugar and Spice and Everything Dice: Part 1

Red Candy Bow Barrette 

Green Candy Bow Barrette 

Candy Bow Barrettes

Top: Material Girl, Macy's

Skirt: Forever 21

Shoes: Charles Albert, Alloy

Bag: Princess Vera, Kohl's

Belt: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Sunglasses: Mudd, Kohl's

*Please see the below post for the Introduction to this epic post series.  Or, if you stumbled upon this post while wandering the wilds of the internet and have no way of navigating this blog (if that's a thing; I'm not sure, crafts are my wheelhouse, not code), then click here.

Relax; you've hit the sweet spot.  Sugar is the first stop in this series, so what better way to kick it off than with candy?  I got these retro-licious, circus-slash-carnival-looking candy appliques from kawaii jewelry supply super seller Delish Beads and added them to some colorful bows.  Are they hard candies?  Or taffies?  Who knows?  Either way, they do kind of sort of resemble something that a Nicholas Sparks hero might bring to his sweetheart.  You know.  If Sparks sagas had a campy, Willy Wonka-meets-Shopkins type vibe.

If you know Sparks, then you know that he's sugary, penning the kind of saccharine, read-it-and-weep stuff that sends most men in search of the nearest Home Depot or Hooters.  Being a sucker for such fare, I've read everything he's ever written, even his nonfiction memoir Three Weeks with My Brother. He releases a new title every other fall, and the husband always gets me the latest for Christmas.  This year I was happy to learn that old Pepe Le Pew had published Two by Two just one year after See Me.  Like See Me (which was a bit of a thriller), Two by Two is edgier than Sparks's previous stories.  It's about a guy named Russ who gets divorced and is forced to fight for custody of his five-year-old daughter.  Which is no surprise considering that Sparks himself recently made things officially unofficial with his wife of 26 years. 

That said, there are shades of Sparks that are less than sweet in this novel.  And it's not just because both he and his alter ego called it quits on marriage.  In the real world, guys -- even troubadours -- get divorced.  It's because of Russ's slightly controlling, chauvinistic attitude toward his wife.  Vivian is a classically beautiful shopaholic who drops out of the PR rat race to be a stay-at-home mom.  She enjoys wine, reality TV, and yoga, and she doesn't eat sugar.  To be fair, Russ says that Vivian is a wonderful mother, not to mention a more dedicated parent than he is (well, except for one no-wire-hangers-ever moment and a new job that uproots their lives, both of which seem melodramatic and out-of-character for the generally level-headed if cliche-riddled Viv).  But Russ also complains that she lets her "chores" slip, whining that he "doesn't like a messy house," and going all Scrooge when she spends a little too much at -- gasp -- Walmart.  Although this neat freak cheapo chump makes appearances throughout the Sparks canon, he's more fully realized here, so much so that I can't help but wonder if Sparks himself is the kind of guy who runs his finger over mantles in search of dust and expects women to spend an eternity in last season's shoes.  One thing's for sure; he wouldn't take too kindly to our spice and dice representatives, in-your-face funny lady Amy Schumer and free-spirited spendthrift Rebecca Bloomwood (but more on them later).  Can it be that Mr. Sensitive is actually a (and the romantic in me cringes to type this) misogynist?  It's a weighty question, and one that shakes my belief in not only Sparks, but in fiction.  You see, I've always put a lot of stock in the Mark Twain quote "fiction is the truth inside the lie," which is to say that I think of writers as truth tellers, wise souls who have valuable information to impart about life.  But Two by Two forces me to admit that they -- or, at least some of them --- aren't Yoda-esque messengers at all, but agenda-toting hucksters pedaling shoddy goods.

Now that I've aired my hostilities, I feel okay saying that I still like Sparks's writing.  Fascist or not, he has a way with words, managing to make the minutiae of everyday life not only interesting, but a little bit charmed.  Which is hokey, sure, but nowhere near as bad as saying that you watch "The Bachelor" for the cinematography.  (To be clear, I do not watch "The Bachelor."  Unless you count that SNL parody where all of the contestants sidle up to Beard Hunk and theatrically purr, "Mmm, I like this.").  To that end, Two by Two is worth reading (and blogging about) despite, or perhaps because of, its need to be read through a more feminist lens.

So, here's to enjoying the journey without drinking the Kool-Aid.  Or, in this case, sweet tea.   

Bubblegum Ball Blowout: Part 1

 Bright White Gumball Necklace

Top: L'Amour by Nanette Lepore for JCPenney

Jeans: L'Amour by Nanette Lepore for JCPenney

Camisole: So, Kohl's

Shoes: Venus

Bag: Nine West, Boscov's

Belt: Wet Seal

 Rainbow Pastel Gumball Necklace

Tee: JCPenney

Jeans: City Streets, JCPenney

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Candie's, Kohl's

 Pastel Primaries Gumball Necklace

Dress: Lulus

Shoes: Guess, DSW

Bag: Bisou Bisou, JCPenney

Belt: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Red Bow Gumball Necklace

Polka dot top: Wet Seal

Blouse: Candie's, Kohl's

Skirt: Stoosh, Macy's

Shoes: Betseyville, JCPenney

Bag: Candie's, Kohl's

Belt: Candie's, Kohl's

You know how foodies wax poetic about the shape of a pepper or the texture of artisan bread?  Well, that's how I feel about beads.  Which is why I ordered so darn many of them, the ones I posted two weeks ago and made into the neck candy you see here, plus a bunch of other ones that are rolling around on my coffee table even as I type (so much more festive and original than Christmas balls, don't you think?).  I'm having such a good time stringing them that I half considered wrapping them around my Christmas tree.  Of course, that would involve hauling said tree down from the attic, a chore that had been earmarked for today but got lost in the shuffle of reading and laundry and On Demand sitcom catch-up.  And, of course, necklace making.  (Don't ever let it be said that I don't have my priorities in order.)  Necks are just easier (not to mention more fun!) to decorate than houses.  I'm thinking about bringing back that old tradition of putting up the tree on Christmas Eve --you know, to really build the momentum and make time for the truly important holiday activities, which is to say, wrapping presents -- and then maybe leave it up until Martin Luther King Day.  People always say that the presents are the least important part of the holiday season, but that's simply not true.  You can skip the cards and the decorations and the cookies, but if you don't hunt down gifts for your nearest and dearest and present them, nicely wrapped, on the appointed day, then your name is mud.  I know, I know, that's not what they meant.  It's the reason for the season that's key, not the tangible stuff that we bequeath and stockpile year in and year out.  But of all the tangible, secular tokens of Christmas, it's the gifts that rise to the top of everyone's list because of the things that those gifts represent.  Crass consumerism? Well, sometimes.  (Especially if you fall victim to those displays of mystery gadgets and desk accouterments that clutter every department store aisle from mid-November to Christmas Eve and who among us, at some point, hasn't?)  But no, what they represent is that you racked your brain and the very best in doorbuster deal emails to come up with some somethings to make your favorite people smile and say, "You just get me." 

 It doesn't get much more reason for the seasony than that.  

Decoden Deja Vu and Damsels Who Dig Mr. Darcy

I Heart Lemons and Fun Stuff Bib Necklace

Top: Macy's

Skirt: Bubblegum, Macy's

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Belt: Wet Seal

 I Heart Limes and Owls Bib Necklace

Sweater: Marshalls

Skirt: Material Girl, Macy's

Shoes: Guess, DSW

Bag: Nordstrom

I Love Lemons and Dinosaurs Bib Necklace

Cardigan: So, Kohl's

Camisole: So, Kohl's

Skirt: H&M

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Nahui Ollin

Belt: Tournier Everything's $10

I Heart Limes and Sweet Stuff Bib Necklace

Crochet top: Mossimo, Target

Tank: Worthington, JCPenney

Skirt: Marshalls

Shoes: Iron Fist, Journeys

Bag: B&B, Ocean City

Belt: Wet Seal

"I think being creative is a waste of time and money."  

This startling sentiment was uttered from the always colorful Jennifer Coolidge, this time through the mouthpiece of Elizabeth Charming, a brassy babe on the make in the unlikely milieu of romantic comedy spoof Austenland.  A reenactment experience catering to Jane Austen addicts, Austenland offers romance gigolo-style in the form of amorously attentive "players" purporting to fall head over heels for the patrons.  Coolidge and Kerri Russell, who plays the auspiciously-named heroine Jane, are lamenting over said suitors (one of whom is Bret McKenzie of Flight of the Conchords fame) while embellishing hats when Ms. Charming makes her (at least to this crowd) unfortunate observation.  Not that there isn't a grain (or perhaps I should say seed bead) of truth in what she says.  Being creative can indeed be costly and time-consuming.  For example, I recently decided to restring my "fun stuff" bib necklace series since discovering that the beads I initially used (gasp!) fade after just a few wears.  (I'd made a couple of the necklaces for myself, which was how I came to know this.)  At first I thought it might be better to just quietly chuck them.  After all, restringing meant going to the trouble and expense of researching and purchasing new beads in addition to the actual reworking of the jewelry.  Not to mention that blabbing it all here on the blog probably wouldn't be good for business.  Still, my love for my bauble-bedazzled (or, as the Japanese would say, "decoden" bedecked) bibs triumphed, and silence has never been my strong suit.  So here are the upgraded versions, refortified with new plastic neon Delish beads.  

As I'm sure any fairy tale (and, in the end, even Ms. Charming herself) would attest, a few extra evenings and expenditures never stood a chance against such a fashion rehash of a happy ending.