Evergreen Queen: Song of Sophia

When the husband and I were buying our house, we noticed something strange on our street involving pine trees.  But it wasn't in the vein of Wayward Pines or even The Place Beyond the Pines.  No, it was a sign of a different kind of horror -- the horror of the nursing home.  Which is a very serious matter and nothing to joke about.  Except, of course, on a sitcom.  And in this case that sitcom was The Golden Girls.

Ah, Shady Pines.  The name of the nursing home where Dorothy once stuck Sophia, and as such, part of Sophia's origin story.  Who could forget the pilot when Sophia comes to live with Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose by breezing into the palm-choked living room and blithely announcing, "The home burned down."?  Not to mention the rest of the series.  Every time Sophia comes close to wreaking havoc, Dorothy darkly intones, "Shady Pines, Ma, Shady Pines." That's all it takes for Sophia to abandon her latest scheme of rigging the talent show or selling fake autographs.

Yes, my love for The Golden Girls is as deep -- and as wacky -- as Sophia's Sicily stories.  So, when I saw this Shady Pines sign, I knew I was finally home.

That's why I risked life and limb (and any number of angry campers) to get a shot of it, earning this Girl Scout badge of a tree barrette for my troubles.

 Sweater: Jeanne Pierre, Marshalls; Blouse: HIP, Marshalls; Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

Fabulous Felt Pine Tree Barrette

It's something that someone (someone other than Sophia, that is, as she's hardly the arts and crafts type.  More like the straight up crafty type) might have whipped up during activity hour at the home.  Which is kind of funny, as I whipped it up in my home -- where activity hour never ends.  What can I say?  I live a lot like the elderly.  That's probably why I heart them so much.

Well, that and their love of pudding.

Food 'Tude: Not Your Basic Bib

Top: POPSUGAR, Kohl's; Shoes: Guess, DSW

Bibs are for catching stray bits of food, and bib necklaces are for catching the limelight.  And also, maybe sometimes, lime peels.  And I should know, because I have more bibs than a baby.  Just the other day, I found one that I'd bought at J. C. Penney's back in its heyday when the costume jewels flowed like fruit punch.  And I thought, this is nice.  But it could be nicer.  Because the thing about accessories crafting is, it sort of ruins you for store-bought jewelry.  Don't get me wrong.  I can still appreciate a good department store bangle or bold pendant with the best of them.  But if there's a flat, unadorned surface at my disposal, then I can't help but upcycle it.  So I rummaged around in my supply cache and came up with some cute stuff to add.  I especially like the strained smiley face beads.  They're a nice quirky contrast to the proper flowers that say, I'm a princess -- but I still like to party.  

And as always, that's my style sweet spot. 

The Goof is in the Pudding: Hip Hop Happy Easter

Green Pompom Bow Barrette

Dress: So, Kohl's

Shoes: Forever Link, Zulily

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Boscov's

Sunglasses: JCPenney

Necklaces: The Tote Trove

This isn't my Easter outfit.  This is:

And if you look very closely, you can see that I'm wearing last Easter's Fabulous Felt Ham Dinner Barrette (as a brooch) and one of my Pink Bopp rings:

 Fabulous Felt Ham Dinner Barrette

Pink Bopp Ring (the one on the right :)

Still, the pink pompom on my new Green Pompom Bow Barrette sort of says Peter Cottontail.  As for the feathers on my hat, well, they say something else.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Easter is my favorite holiday.  The food is fab, the outfits are spring sweet, and the world is just waking up.  All of which makes me more thankful than I am at Thanksgiving, when the celebration is centered on a big dead bird and the world's slipping into a coma.    

So, why do I think Easter eats are so yummy?  Um, ham and cheese please.  Also, chocolate.  Lots of it.  See Exhibit A, otherwise known as brownie trifle:

Now, you know I don't like to cook.  Which is why this dessert more or less came from a box.  First, the Betty Crocker brownie mix box, then the JELL-O pudding mix box.  Although the whipped cream, I'm happy to report, came fresh from a -- no, not cow -- carton.  But if it were up to me I wouldn't have used Betty Crocker.  I don't know if you know this, but Betty is a bad bitch.  And not in an empowering way, like Ruth Bader Ginsburg or Doctor Barbie.  But in a straight up what's-up-with this formula, lady? way.  Because Betty's brownies almost always come out dry.  Not like Duncan Hines's, which are always your moist delicious best (pause for trademark ding).  Is this a slight slam at feminism?  Maybe.  Also at ShopRite for being out of Duncan.  But batter doesn't lie.  Anyhoo, I did what I always do when I feel a dish -- or anything, for that matter -- is lacking, which is make it pretty.  And in this case, add Peeps.   

Here's hoping you have a very hoppy Easter with your peeps.  And when I say hoppy I'm just taking advantage of an easy pun.  I in no way endorse post-ham potato sack races.  Because I don't want anyone tripping and hitting his or her head and ending up in a coma.

Save that for Thanksgiving.  It needs it.     

Double Rainbow, Double Dier

 Red Pompom Bow Barrette

 Red Rainbow Rose Necklace

 Snow Bright Bangle

Sweater: Macy's

Skirt: Dolls Kill

Shoes: Christian Siriano for Payless

Bag: Candie's, Kohl's

 Ballerina Baby Earrings

 Mint Rainbow Rose Necklace

 Clara Cupcakes Charm Bracelet

Sweater: Macy's

Skirt: Macy's

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Bag: City Streets, JCPenney

I've always been into rainbows.  There's a Christmas morning home movie of five-year-old me fiercely clutching a brand-new Rainbow Brite doll and setting up the Color Cottage with the focus of a hibachi grill chef.  My little sister toddles over to me to show me her new Cabbage Patch preemie Noreen Rhoda (the only thing weirder than those dolls' names were their Xavier Roberts butt tattoos).  And I scream for her to go away.  Obviously, I'm too busy seating the sprites at their wavy-edged, pink plastic table.  Does this behavior reveal that little me could be a tantrum-throwing Gremlin?  For sure.  But does it also show my love for the sacred spectrum?  Um, does the hibachi grill chef burn Big Bertha's perm when he's flipping the shrimp and singing happy birthday?

Spoiler alert.  He does.  Sometimes.

A few years ago, my sister gave me this Rainbow Brite Itty Bitty.  Which makes me feel like even more of a villain.  If only I could reciprocate with a bobble head Noreen Rhoda.  If you're listening, Xavier, get on it.

Anyway, they say that double rainbows are rare.  (They also say something else, but I won't go into that here.)  Which is why these twin rainbow sweaters are so awesome and cute and give me all the '90s feels.  (I refer, of course, to fashion feels, as most other feels from my teen years are locked in a mental drawer marked do no resuscitate).

Do you know what's almost as rare as a double rainbow?  Brett Dier's reign on Wednesday night TV.  I know that Brett Dier isn't a household name and that this announcement may be underwhelming.  Also, that it has nothing to do with anything else I've said.  But I'm okay with that.

What are the odds that Dier's new sitcom Schooled and his old dramedy Jane the Virgin would air on the same night on different networks, back to back?  And that it would all be so symbolically full circle?  Because Schooled is in its freshman year and Jane is sadly ending.  (Some) Jane fans fell in love with Dier's Michael five seasons ago and are still reeling from his return from the dead.  Not only was it super stirring and emotional, it put Jane (Gina Rodriguez) right back where she started, forced to choose between Michael -- her husband -- and Rafael (Justin Baldoni) -- the father of her child.  Never mind that she was accidentally artificially inseminated when she was still a virgin, before she'd even properly met Raf.  Because Jane is, as the narrator often and snarkily tells us, a telenovella.  As for Schooled, we're just getting to know Dier's C.B. as a slightly Michael-esque but also slightly annoying hey-kids-I'm-your-friend-not-just-your-teacher-and-I'm-wearing-the-jeans-and-wacky-ties to prove it kind of guy.  Yet nerdy or not, he seems destined to date fellow teacher and rebel with a heart of gold Lainey (AJ Michalka).  If you think that Lainey's too cool for this fool, think again.  After all, she was engaged to Barry Goldberg.  And who knows; she could still rekindle that flame.  Which would leave old Brett (or as my sister calls him, triangle face) to play second fiddle a second time.  Because my spidey senses tell me that Jane will be riding off into the sunset with Raf.  And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Time to change the subject.

When I wore rainbow-rama outfit number one, I was so excited that I decided to photograph myself in it.  This meant breaking out this here selfie stick, which my mom gave me almost six years ago for my wedding.  I'd never used it before, which is obvious from the frustrated look on my face.  The subpar camera on my 3G phone wasn't helping.  But then I thought, who cares?  The graininess and washed out colors make this pic look like it's from back in the day.  Which is fitting because this outfit could've come straight out of the costume trailer of That '70s Show.  "But Tote Trove lady," you may be (but probably most definitely are not) thinking, "you said this was a 90s look!"  So I did.  But when I wore stuff like this in the '90s, my mom would say that it was just like something she'd worn in college.  So even fashion -- especially fashion -- comes full circle.  Everything old becomes new again.  And like Dier, rainbows never say die.

All of this philosophizing has me craving shrimp. Hold the hair spray; I'm headed to the hibachi.

Take Me Out to the Mall Game

I was all set to post about rainbows when I was steaming this "what splatters most" tee to wear to the grocery store (yes, that's what it's really called.  Oh, Modcloth, is there no end to your whimsical wordplay?) when I had an epiphany.  Why not post about my raglan tee collection instead?  'Cause I love a good raglan.  It's the best part of baseball (ok, the only good part unless you count the Philly Phanatic or maybe those satin bomber jackets, which are really just the raglans of outerwear).  Factor in the contrasting colors of the sleeves and torso, the way the name sounds like ragtime and also ragamuffin, and the likelihood of a beloved licensed image emblazoning the front, and you've got a home run, my friend.

 Green Gleam Necklace

Regal Radiance Cuff

Tee: Modcloth

Skirt: Amazon

Shoes: Delicious, Zulily

Bag: Sleepyville Critters, Zulily

Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

 Sadie Stripes Gumball Necklace

Pink Heart Pompom Bow Barrette

Tee: Kohl's

Skirt: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Wristlet: City Streets, JCPenney

Fun fact: I was wearing this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles tee (although not the backwards mini) when my nephew was born.  Because what boy should come into the world without seeing crime-fighting amphibians busting out of a sewer and shouting "Cowabunga!"?  Also, I ditched the splatter tee in favor of it today.  It seemed fitting to finally represent turtle power as I rolled my cart past that TMNT cookie mix where Leonardo's head looks like a sad, spreading puddle.     

Stella Star Necklace

Cheerful Charm Bracelet 

Tee: Macy's

Skirt: Dollhouse, Zulily

Shoes: Guess, Marshalls

Bag: Nordstrom

Purse charm: Staples

As for the stuff I made this week, it's kind of a hodgepodge.  I was scraping the bottom of the craft supply drawer, which makes for a fast and loose look that luckily works well with tee shirts.  You know, not too fussy or precious or planned.  Kind of like the Cracker Jack prizes that kids once oohed and ahhed over while watching the game.  That is, if the song is to be believed.  That line might well have been just product placement by big Cracker Jack.

And with that we've already reached the bottom of the ninth.  Be sure to check back later this week for that breaking update on rainbows.

Clothes Crush: I'm Berry Excited it's Spring

Spring was made for Kawaii and Lolita and all of their strawberry sisters.  And although it's been spring for a few weeks now, it's finally starting to feel like this sweetest of seasons.  So, I've rounded up a trio of treacly pastel outfits in celebration.  One of the best things about whisper-soft shades?  They're a great backdrop for accessories that are -- yes -- a scream.

Now, this is the part where I talk about my clothes like I'm selling them.  Or like they're my friends. Which is weird in one way (because who sells her friends?) but not in another because 1) people sometimes email me to ask if the clothes are for sale (they're not), and 2) on a recent episode of "Bob's Burgers," Linda said, "The other day I took Gene to the mall to visit one of his favorite outfits."  I thought that was funny.  But also kind of sad.

That said, let's drown Gene's sorrows in Celestial Seasonings and get this tea party started.

Contestant (because somehow this has turned into a beauty pageant on top of all the other stuff going on)-slash-Confidante #1: Boardwalk Betty

Betty is confection perfection.  Her butterfly-sleeved blouse all but says boardwalk.  Also, saltwater taffy.  Which is more summer than spring, but then what's spring if not summer junior?  And her purse is -- oh my, a seashell!  The judges are, ahem, shore impressed.

Speaking of celebrations (as we were a few paragraphs ago), I went to a bridal shower on Saturday and ended up wrapping the gift in paper that kind of looks like this top.  Which is something I just felt like saying.  It has no bearing on the pageant proceedings and is in no way (wink, wink) a bribe.

Blossom Bow Barrette

Horn Between Two Roses Necklace

Top: Love Fire, Kohl's

Jeans: Mudd, Kohl's

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Modcloth

Bag: Sugar Thrillz, Dolls Kill

Fuchsia bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Mint bangle: Decree, JCPenney

Lilac bangle: Don't Ask, Zulily

Ring: Delia's

Surprise! It's a salad spinner.

Contestant/Confidante #2: Strawberry Sophie

Soph keeps the boardwalk theme fresh in a strawberry sweatshirt that's cozy for when the boards get chilly.  Also, this shirt's marshmallow shape and creamy shade is like a strawberry sundae.  Dairy Queen, you are my dream.  But not really because you sell soft serve, and I'm into custard.

Dairy Queen insisted that I say it's not a sponsor of this program.  I asked them, but they said "hard pass," then escorted me out, my wrists shackled with a daisy chain of day-old onion rings.

Busy Bee Choker 

Sweatshirt: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Jeans: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Shoes: Charles Albert, A.C. Moore

Bag: Macy's Backstage

Strawberry print, yellow, and grass green bangles: B Fabulous

Flower bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Celadon bangle: Burlington Coat Factory

Mint bangle: Decree, JCPenney

Red bangle: XOXO, ROSS 

Thin red bangle: Candie's, Kohl's

Contestant/Confidante #3: Strawberry Susan

And last but not least, Susie charms in a sock hop-happy blush frock, reigning as the sole skirted contender.  But does this fresh-faced '50s flirt have what it takes to claim the crown?  When your spirit animal is a strawberry caramel, then there isn't a Brussels sprout in the world that can stop you.

 

Brianna Bug Necklace

Dress: Three Hearts, Kohl's

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

Bag: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Belt: Izod, Marshalls

Scarf: Wet Seal

Alright, that brings us to the last leg of this dance-off.  And it was a doozy.  You smiled, you twirled, and one of you was almost sucked down into the cotton candy machine.  But we have a winner, and it is . . . Boardwalk Betty!  Bets, you've got candy stripes and lemon drop shoes and, most importantly, a unicorn.  So step right up to accept your bouquet, which comes in the form of this potted amaryllis.

I hope you lift weights because this thing is heavy.  It's been going gangbusters in the rain forest room since winter.  That's what we call our spare room here at Tote Trove central.  Not to be confused with the cactus room, where all of the plants are southwestern and fake.  No, RR is alive and honored to be part of the pageant prize circuit.  So treasure this amaryllis always, or at least until it retires to that big compost heap in the sky.  Because that's all we've got to give you.  DQ was supposed to donate the crown.

Better luck next time, berry babies.