Mixed Media Madness and Serpent Time Sadness

Shoes: Nine West, Kohl's

Dress: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Duster: New York & Company

Rhyolite Delight Necklace

Flower barrettes: Capelli, ULTA

Bag: Current Mood, Dolls Kill

Shoes: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Bag: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Eye of the Tiger Eye Necklace

Dress: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

Bag: Circus by Sam Edelman, Kohl's; Charm: Staples

Top: Worthington, JCPenney

Jasper Rapture Necklace

Sparkly and skinny bangles: Target; Wavy bangle: Mixit, JCPenney; Stretch bracelet: Amrita Singh, Zulily

Headband: Candie's, Kohl's

When I found a bunch of semi-precious gem beads on sale at Michaels (jasper and rhyolite and tiger's eye, oh my!), I instantly knew that I wanted to embellish their mined-from-the-earth natural beauty with a rainbow of manmade kawaii cabochons.   

And I'm so glad I did, because it was tons of fun!  I love the contrast of the bright plastic against the muted stones and am already planning new designs.  What's more, I sold the fruit one (Rhyolite Delight) just hours after listing it!

Now for the not-so-sweet part of our program.  Over the weekend, the husband informed me that he saw "a creature with no legs" in our backyard, then in our front yard wrapped around the small Christmas tree shrub on our walkway.  Yes, friends, it was a snake!  A big black one.  Now, I probably don't have to tell you that I abhor these slithering reptiles.  I can kill a spider no problem, but anything sans limbs gives me the willies.  I even refused to look at the pictures the husband took, not wanting to risk nightmares.  The husband, on the other hand, is, ahem, charmed by serpents.  To my horror, he stood observing this one from the dining room window while snacking on dates, insisting that it "had a cute nose."  (I was facing the opposite wall.)  He even went as far as to name it Lieutenant Dan, on account of the whole no legs thing.  

Needless to say, that's why two of these three outfit pics were taken inside.  (You may recall that the mini Christmas tree is one of my favorite photo op spots.)  I haven't even gotten the mail since the sighting and have been super careful getting into the car (which is thankfully parked in the backyard) the few times I've left the house.  For his part, the husband has been keeping tabs on Lieutenant Dan and recently reported that he saw it in the tree two days in a row but not since.   

Until now.  Just minutes ago, the husband announced that the suspect has shed its skin in front of that fateful tree.  Which means that it's probably taken up residence under the black plastic mulch tarp behind it in the hedge -- and is, gulp, growing.

I've never needed a reason to stay indoors, but this just may push me over the edge into true shut-in status.  Summertime sadness indeed! 

It's a good thing I got those craft supplies . . .

Light at the End of the Funnel Neck: Shirts of Schrute

Skirt: Celebrity Pink, Macy's

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

Top: TJ Maxx

Shoes: Mix No. 6, DSW

Wrap: Amazon

Headband: Lady Arya, Zulily; Mustard bracelet: Cloud Nine, Ocean City; Brown ring: Charlotte Russe; Black bangle: Mixit, JCPenney; Yellow bangle: Silver Linings, Ocean City; Black and white bracelet: Mixit, JCPenney; Magenta ring: Express

Bag: Kohl's

Shoes: Circus by Sam Edelman, Kohl's

I thought I knew everything there was to know about The Office, but now that I'm reading The Office: The Untold Story of the Greatest Sitcom of the 2000s, I can see that I was wrong.  Written by Rolling Stone veteran Andy Greene, this comprehensive, interview-rich history of how The Office went from underdog British knock-off to one of America's most beloved shows is nothing short of pure joy.  

The Office began life as a dark comedy, and when it first aired, I, like many others, didn't like it.  But when it hit its stride in Season 2, I began to appreciate, then love it, understanding that it wasn't really about an office at all, but about the people who felt trapped inside it.  The hilarious and sometimes sad way they got through their day was a spark of hope, that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel.  So, it's inspiring to read about the cast and crew experiencing the same kind of slow success as they rode the wave from obscurity to fame.  It's cool to hear how Creed (Creed Bratton) weirded his way into becoming more than an extra, or how Andy (Ed Helms) started calling Jim (John Krasinski) Big Tuna because showrunner Greg Daniels once had tuna twice in a row for lunch.  There's even stuff about the set design and camera style, which I didn't expect to like but did.  I learned that in most sitcoms, the crew curates the set to look like a painting by choosing prop and costume colors that pop and complement.  This makes sense; I can think of tons of mediocre sitcoms I've tolerated over the years just because they looked pretty.  But The Office didn't want to look like a painting.  It wanted to look like an office, a real office.  And despite my love of color, that (eventually) made sense to me too.  The Office would never have been as believable if Dunder Mifflin and the people who toiled there looked glamorous.  

Nevertheless, one piece of clothing in the series stands out.  No, it's not one of Kelly Kapoor's (Mindy Kaling) outfits, the wrap dress that Pam (Jenna Fischer) wore during the fashion show at lunch, or even Michael's (Steve Carrell) Burlington Coat Factory fur from the infamous budget surplus debacle.  It's Dwight Schrute's (Rainn Wilson) mustard dress shirts.  Dwight's shirts became so integral to his identity that he complained about not getting to wear them during his short-lived and ill-fated stint at Staples.  Dwight's signature color is fitting because mustard is kind of like Dwight himself, unpalatable at first but strangely appealing once you get to know it.  So I decided to devote this post to outfits where this warm yellow shade, well, cuts the mustard (even if in just a few drops).  Sure, these ensembles also feature un-officey looks like a bold funnel neck top and hot pink faux fur.  But in the spirit of The Office's more, ahem, workaday aesthetic, I included a version of each with a muted, nearly black-and-white filter.  

Although I don't have any Schrute loot to use as a visual aid, I do have this Dunder Mifflin snow globe and Michael magnet.  The snow globe used to be in my cubicle. 

Speaking of keeping it real wardrobe wise, here I am in, of all things, a sweat suit.  (The husband suggested I say that "I mustered the courage" to wear it.  Husband and French's, you're welcome.)  Despite having been voted least likely to wear sweatpants in eighth grade, this quarantine's got me collecting -- and living in -- loungewear.  

Sweat suit: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's      

Now that I work from home, I'm the one wearing mustard to the office -- not to mention any number of other unsightly things (my ratty old bathrobe, pajamas, even, on occasion, a muumuu).  And I've discovered that there's something nice about writing reports and editing documents in the comfort of my down-home duds.

Art imitates life, life imitates art.  The heart wants what it wants, and what it wants is the heart.  And the art.

It's lines like this that make me think of the mumbo-jumbo monologues of Michael Scott.  And remind me to not quit my day job.

Kite of the Living Dead

Top: Derek Heart, Macy's

Boots: ShoeDazzle, Zulily

Skirt: ELLE, Kohl's

Green bracelet: Amrita Singh, Zulily; Yellow bangle: Silver Linings, Ocean City; Strawberry bangle: B Fabulous; Ring: Gifted

Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

Bag: Zulily; Shoes: Anne Michelle, JCPenney

Dress: Modcloth, Zulily

Red rhinestone bangle: XOXO, ROSS Dress for Less; Other red bangles: B Fabulous; Scrunchies: Zulily; Sunglasses: Amazon; Ring: Making Waves, Ocean City

Jeans: City Streets, JCPenney

Made them but can't remember the names I gave them!

Top: Candie's, Kohl's

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

Normally, I'm not a fan of zombies.  That's why I've never watched The Walking Dead and can't seem to get through "Thriller."  So, I was surprised that when I started to draw, this mutant is what emerged:

Yes, folks, it's a zombie butterfly!  I almost didn't post it because 1) I thought it was too weird, and 2) colored pencils are second only to crayons when it comes to things that are unsophisticated.  But then I remembered that 1) sharing weird stuff with the masses is what I do, and 2) sophistication is for Mr. Belvedere and people who use bidets.  

Anyway, we all have imaginations.  Who knows what drives them?  When I was a kid, I often ended up drawing a beaky gent from the Middle Ages that my mom dubbed "the man with the nose."  Whether he was some manifestation of my subconscious or a mere tribute to the ear, nose, and throat racket, I'll never know.

What I do know is that I love the as-of-yet-not-undead creatures of these outfits or, more to the point, purse paraphernalia: Miss Tatty Devine, Mr. Strawberry Head, and last but certainly not least, the many faces of Miss Harajuku.    

Bag: Tatty Devine, Modcloth

Charm: Staples

Harajuku Lovers, ROSS Dress for Less

Fun, right?  I can't help but notice that their noses are nearly nonexistent.

Still, these bags and this butterfly aren't the only things that represent a fright, excuse me, flight, of fancy.  There's also this kite:

It's still enroute from Zulily, but I'm including it now to take advantage of this post title.  Also, because it's awesome.  It'll live in my craft room as an, ahem, fly on the wall, inspiring me to make creations that are hopefully more cute than creepy.    

Maybe Mary Poppins's face will pop up instead of Cruella DeVil's.

Ceramics Class Pass: Steer into the Grid

Bull as a China Shop Necklace

Top: Pink Republic, Kohl's
Dress: Xhilaration, Target
Shoes: Shoe Carnival
Bag: T-Shirt & Jeans, Kohl's
Bag charms: Staples
Sunglasses: JCPenney
Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

So, first things first about this Bull as a China Shop Necklace. 1) It's a steer, not a bull (I can tell because a bull would never consent to become an accessory), and 2) one floral pattern does not a china shop make.  In other words, this entire pun is built on a lie.  Still, there's a message in it.  As in, don't ever let anyone tell you that all good crafts don't start with castration.

I was never a big fan of ceramics class.  For one thing, I didn't like the clay.  I hated working with the cold, wet sludge, coaxing it into coils that looked like dead snakes or a gargoyle's innards just to make some boring tchotchke.  But I like the look of finished ceramics, especially those wrought by a hand much more skilled than mine.  Maybe that's why I was drawn to this steer head.  Sure, it's not exactly ceramic, but some kind of synthetic enamel fused in a factory.  Yet it still has a homespun charm that's just glam enough to be interesting.  I guess that's why I made it the star of this here rhinestone necklace -- then posted it on the blog.  Which is as sure an act of, ahem, steering into the skid that the hook-me-to-the-grid-forever Internet has to offer.  And that's no bull.

I knew I could ram a real pun in there.