R is for Red and Retro: July Five Alive, Come and Sea

Bathing Beauty Charm Bracelet

Bikini: Venus
Sunglasses: Michaels

The Fourth of July is the star of the summer.  But you never hear anything about the fifth of July (which is why it's not capitalized :).  You know.  When the smoke from the sparklers has cleared and swimsuits and citronella are seventy-five percent off.  Maybe it's because I live at the beach and waited for what seemed like an eternity amid angry mobs of day-trippers at the local Acme to pay for some lemons.  But there's no denying that there's a certain relief that comes when the fanfare and crowds have evaporated, and the sun-steamed world is restored to sweet peace.  After all, peace is the essence of summer.  They don't call them the hazy, lazy days for nothing.

Rosalie shore seems to think so.  What's that you say?  Who the heck is Rosalie?  Why, the 1950s femme fatale figure dangling so fetchingly from this Bathing Beauty Charm Bracelet.  A siren of swimming pool cool, she also appears on the matching Bathing Beauty Charm Necklace that I made last December.  I remember that it was the Christmas season because a) I mentioned Manchester by the Sea in my post, and b) because I said so here.

But I digress.

Simply stated, this Bathing Beauty Charm Bracelet was begging to be made.  Because a necklace without a bracelet is like a queen without her king, a rodeo clown without his bronco, or Guy Fieri without a hunk of pork butt.  In other words, unthinkable.  What's more, this particular bracelet will be a not-so-secret free gift for the lucky lady (or lad!) who buys the Bathing Beauty Charm Necklace.  So, I'm celebrating the Fifth of July (now is the time for capitalization) with peace and, yes, primo pieces.  Even though I once said that calling my creations "pieces" was precious and pretentious and probably a whole host of other icky "p" words.  Still, as always, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the sake of sound wordplay.

Just as Rosalie is willing to sacrifice a serious acting career by playing pinup.

Candy Dish Wish and Birdbath Wrath Revelation

Tee: Doe, Macy's
Skirt: So, Kohl's
Bag: Nordstrom
Shoes: Sea Star, Brigantine
Necklace: The Tote Trove
Sunglasses: The Tote Trove

Red and White Stripe Candy Bow Barrette 

 Pink and Navy Dot Candy Bow Barrette

 Lime Candy Bow Barrette

Candy Bow Barrettes

Breaking news: I made a fresh batch of candy bow barrettes!  But first things first with a book review.

I recently read a novel called Amy Falls Down, by Jincy Willett.  Now, I had never heard of Ms. Willett, which means that I received this book as a gift and that it falls into the great uncharted territory of my reading list, which is to say that it is not a) a comedian autobiography or b) chick lit.  (Having read up on Willett since, I'm certain that she'd snort at the thought.)  That said, Amy Falls Down is about Amy (obvi), an esteemed but obscure and near-reclusive sixty-something writer whose greatest flaw is that she overthinks everything.  Case in point: she once almost drowned because she couldn't decide on a clever enough way to call for help.  Furthermore, despite teaching a fiction writing workshop, Amy hasn't written anything in decades.  The action starts on New Year's Day when Amy is in her backyard disposing of a tree gifted to her by her students and falls and hits her head on a birdbath.  She doesn't go to the hospital because hospitals scare her.  Instead, she dons a crazy-colored caftan and gives a (scheduled) newspaper interview to a girl reporter fond of enthusiasm and purple prose.  The next day, Amy can't remember the interview, which freaks her out just enough to make her forget her phobia of medical attention.  So she sets off for the ER.  There she meets a homeless woman clutching a newspaper who says, "Hey, it's you!" (or similar).  Amy grabs the newspaper only to see her own interview in print.  And it's a doozy!  Having been somewhat unhinged in her sub-concussed state, she apparently spun a yarn like no other.  She is soon seen by a doctor (an amateur novelist with a sound sense of humor who proclaims her to be just fine), then goes home where she's barraged by phone calls from her old agent.  This heralds a media feeding frenzy (or at least the lit world's equivalent) that will, as they say, change her life forever.  Reluctantly, Amy embarks on an odyssey of radio shows, readings, and TV panels, her wicked wit waxing ever sharper with each appearance.  Although not quite a case of the old pride goeth before a fall, post-tumble Amy is forced to admit (or at least feel, as this broad admits nothing) that she's been letting fear hold her back.  As if in response, she starts writing again and spends more time with her writing students, a motley crew of misfits who, she realizes, aren't so bad after all.  

Wry and irreverent, Amy is the kind of eccentric anti-hero I always root for.  Hers is essentially a story of accidents and how even the worst ones can enrich our lives.  Although I'm from the everything-happens-for-a reason school of thought, I can still get on board with the story's central message, which is (say it with me now), don't let fear get the best of you.  Because although sometimes dark and disturbing, Amy Falls Down is ultimately optimistic in the way it champions the power of change.

In other words, Amy falls down . . . but she eventually gets back up again.

So, why did I team this book review with these candy barrettes?  Partly because Amy wore a candy-colored (heretofore "crazy-colored") caftan when she gave her epic interview and (presumably) because she ate lots of candy given her laissez-faire attitude toward nutrition.  Partly because I like to keep you guessing.  Perhaps a better question is this: Why did I pair Amy with Barbie, a woman (?) who, for all of her squillions of outfits, has, as far as I know, never worn a caftan-slash-muumuu?

Because I'm a blogger of contradictions, that's why.    

Chokehold Gold: Neck and Neck With Tradition and Grrr! Tiger Lilies

Top: Candie's, Kohl's
Shorts: Merona, Target
Shoes: Chinese Laundry, JCPenney
Bag: Delia's
Hat: JCPenney
Scarf: Betseyville, JCPenney
Pink and orange bangles: Mixit, JCPenney
Yellow and orange bangles: B Fabulous
Sunglasses: The Tote Trove

Top: Candie's, Kohl's
Shorts: Merona, Target
Bag: Olivia Miller, JCPenney
Shoes: So, Kohl's
Barrettes: The Tote Trove
White and pink bangles: Mixit, JCPenney
Red and blue bangles: B Fabulous
Sunglasses: The Tote Trove

Top: Candie's, Kohl's
Shorts: Merona, Target
Bag: Glamour Damaged, Etsy
Shoes: Candie's, Kohl's
Blue scarf: Rachel Roy, Macy's
Purple scarf: Candie's, Kohl's
Barrettes: The Tote Trove
Blue bangle: So, Kohl's
Pink bangle: Target
Yellow bangles: B Fabulous
Sunglasses: The Tote Trove

Top: Candie's, Kohl's
Shorts: Merona, Target
Bag: Charming Charlie
Shoes: Modcloth
Scarf: A.C. Moore
Sunglasses: The Tote Trove
Mint bangle: Decree, JCPenney
Purple bangle: Target
Yellow bangles: B Fabulous

From top: Trippy Hippy Choker (yes, I've posted this one before :), Aztec Knack Choker, Rural Floral Choker, Zigzag Swag Choker

I love that chokers have made a comeback.  Like pompoms and ruffles, these turtlenecks of jewelry can be found in stores of all stripes this summer, their embroidered/lacy/beaded and sometimes charmed selves beckoning from demure little cards or cute boxes.  When I first saw them, I thought, yep, the '90s are back.  I was instantly transported to Claire's where preteen me would buy chokers and other such treasures by the basketful, prompting my mom to say, hey, I had those in the '60s.  Indeed, chokers emerged on the style scene long before love beads and Woodstock.  I'm thinking way, way back to Victorian times when genteel ladies (and yes, a few harlots) would wear the cameo kind with their hats and hoop skirts.  Of course, anyone who'd remember that firsthand has long since been six feet under.  Ah, fashion, you're so cruelly cyclic.   

Anyway, I was smitten with this accessory's (to me) second coming and bought a bunch to Tote Trove-ify.  I had the best time embellishing them with chains and charms, imagining the outfits that'd best set off their fab festival-ready vibe.  That said, I haven't listed them in my Etsy shop because 1) I like them so much I want to keep them (obvi), and 2) I don't know if the chain part would fit the general public.  Sure, they're just fine for my pencil neck, but I don't want to asphyxiate anyone.  

On that cheerful note, here's something else that's in bloom: tiger lilies!  

I took the first pic a year ago and the second one just this week.  Quite a transformation, huh?  I can't take credit for it, though.  That honor goes to the husband and his amazingly green thumb.  

That's us, just a couple of zany zookeepers: him of the plants and me of the rants . . . and the clothes that go so well with them.      

Cool Daddy-O Patio: Papa Don't Beach Without Sunnies

This is just the kind of post title that I always said I'd never use.  I mean, cool, daddy-O?  What am I, a beatnik?  But it is Father's Day, and I decorated these (albeit very girly women's) sunglasses.  So.

Speaking of Father's Day, I ordered Being a Dad is Weird, by Ben Falcone, online as a gift for my dad.  But when it arrived, it had an unidentifiable yet unmistakably sticky something smeared on the cover.  So I bought my dad another copy and kept the original.  After all, I like to read, and I like Ben Falcone.  Whether it's his performance as the sexually harassed Air Marshall in Bridesmaids, the power trip-fueled fast food manager in Tammy, or (and this is my personal favorite) the music teacher in that old Target commercial who plays the piano and sings about denim, Benji always brings the odd.  (He refers to himself as Benji at least once in the book, so I think it's okay for me too).

Filled with amusing anecdotes about growing up with an intellectual and outlandish writer father, Being a Dad is Weird is a lighthearted walk down memory lane.  Like many comedy writers, Falcone was an awkward kid (he rocked an acid wash denim jacket with Led Zeppelin and U2 pins).  But not that awkward (he played sports, dammit!).  Just awkward enough to use humor to defuse many a -- wait for it -- awkward situation.  Anyway, he compares having a father to being a father to his two daughters with wife Melissa McCarthy, and it's all very sweet and heartwarming.  Well, as sweet and heartwarming as something can be when liberally peppered with F-bombs.

Earlier today my sister and I were dismayed to find out that we had both bought my father this book.  So there are now not one, not two, but three hardbound copies floating around our family.  Perhaps we should start a Ben Falcone fan club.       

That said, maybe next year I'll shoot for a more PSA-themed Father's Day post, something like Ray Ban Man: Fathers Fighting Fried Retinas.  That way the dads get to be the heroes. And I get a free pair of Ray Bans.

Pop Goes the Princess: Horseplay on the High Seas

Top: Bisou Bisou, JCPenney
Skirt: Material Girl, Modcloth
Shoes: BCBG, Macy's
Bag: Nordstrom
Bow: The Tote Trove
Sunglasses: Brigantine beach shop
Yellow bangles: B Fabulous
Jelly bangles: Target
Watch: Rumors, JCPenney

Seahorses vs. Unicorns Charm Necklace

Pretty Parfait Mushroom Purse Charm

Pop stars and royalty aren't all that different.  Both are cloaked in glamour and drama, just as both are pumped up public figures.  Indeed, here in the good old U. S. of A. we revere singer-songwriters more than any queen mother monarch.  And why not?  Whether dealing in iTunes or edicts, music notes or raging moats, or Jimmy Choos or glass slipper shoes, heavy is the head that wears the crown (or, in the case of chart toppers, industrial-grade hair extensions).  

The same is true of seahorses and unicorns.  Not the glamour thing or the stress thing, but the tenuous, forged-for-the-purposes-of-this-post connection thing.  Both are enchanted equines (at least semantically speaking), and both have been immortalized as My Little Ponies.  (If you don't believe me, or at least that I believe me, then mosey on over to this post touching upon seahorses and their terrestrial counterparts.  Hay, this isn't my first rodeo.)  Which kind of sort of but not quite explains the aesthetics behind this Seahorses vs. Unicorns Charm Necklace.    

The "vs." implies that they're fighting, but I like to think that they're friends.

Ring Beader of the Rack: Circle Circus

There's a lot of questionable stuff out there about rings.  For example, Lord of the Rings, The Ring, and, to get away from movie franchises, that mysterious custom-made ring in season 3 of "Friends" that turned out to be a wrestling ring instead of the engagement ring that Monica wanted from millionaire Pete Becker.  (It may be twenty years too late, but that one still calls for a hey, Jon Favreau, get with the program!)  That said, I limit my own ring flings to the jewelry kind. Costume jewelry, that is ('cause what else am I gonna wear to the circus?).  And last week I scored some new spring bling from fellow Etsy shop PinkBopp.

This pink, red, and yellow stunner of a statement piece is kitschy, kawaii, retro, and Lolita -- a confectionery cornucopia of all my favorite styles!  (For more fancy finds and fab fashion, hop on over to PinkBopp's sweet blog.)  Yep, I've got to, ahem, hand it to shop owner Samantha Walker; she nailed it.  And only partly because this piece inspired me to paint my usually naked nails and buy (and then eat!) these cherry gummy candies.  This ring isn't just rad.  It's versatile, so much so that I just know it'll be the icing on oodles of outfits.  

Pretty precious, huh?  Somehow, I don't think Gollum can still say the same.

Sun Rise/Sun Set, Simmer in Silence My Tangerine Pet

Quirky Cleo Necklace

Top: JCPenney

Skirt: XOXO, Macy's

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Bag: Lily Bloom, JCPenney

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Arts and Crafts Corner Charm Necklace 

Top: Marshalls

Shorts: Merona, Target

Shoes: Payless

Bag: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Scarf: Express

Barrette: The Tote Trove

Orange bangle: Target

Blue bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Yellow bangles: B Fabulous

Ring: Making Waves, Ocean City

Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's

Blueberry Creamsicle Necklace

Dress: Bisou Bisou, JCPenney

Shoes: First Love by Penny Loves Kenny, JCPenney

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's

Jacket: Mossimo, Target
Skirt: H&M

Who needs an orange tabby when you've got plush produce that never says peep?  Not this hairball-hating craftista!  So say hello to my furry friend, Etsy-spawned pillow Julius:

Happy Orange Pillow, Bubbledog

I realize that the word "simmer" in the title of this post makes it sound as though I'm cooking a cat a la ALF, but I assure you that no animals were harmed in the making of this post.  Unless you count the spider that skittered out from under my bed when I fished out my shoes.  (I do not.)    

Anyhoo, this week's outfits give a shout-out to Florida's finest in tangy shades of orange and yellow.  One of the purses is even in the likeness of Mr. Ray himself, complete with sunglasses, and another boasts a tropical sunset.  Also, there's a bomber jacket embroidered with palm trees, which, although not technically part of these outfits, is, in addition to having been half off, pretty darn sizzling.  Yep, some like it hot.  But not too hot.  Anyone who's ever had a wicked sunburn knows this first hand (or foot, piggies often being the first appendage to cook).  Which is why I made turquoise-accented jewelry to provide a cool contrast to these smokin' ensembles.  (Not real turquoise, just stuff that's [faintly] turquoise colored.  Hey, this isn't the Phoenix airport!)  Just think of them as the aloe of costume accouterments.  Soothing, day-glo, and fragrant*, they'll cure all your wardrobe woes and wounds.

*Please note that these necklaces don't smell like anything, except maybe metal and spider guts, er, coconut body spray.  But I needed a third adjective to round out the series, and "fragrant" had a nice ring to it.  Also, it met the criteria for the third of the five senses that apply to lotion (tasting it would send you straight to the ER, and hearing it would send you to, well, a whole other branch of medical professionals).  

So until next time, soak up your vitamin C (and D!) and stay on the sunny side of the sweet.

Also, don't drink the aloe.