Christmas Cocktail Party

Dress: B. Darlin, Amazon; Garland: Michaels

Necklace and barrettes: INC, Macy's

Dress: Rampage, Macy's; Garland: Michaels; Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Red bow: Carole, JCPenney; Blue bow: Hobby Lobby; Merry Kitschmas Necklace: The Tote Trove

Tights: Isadora, Zulily; Shoes: Penny Loves Kenney, Zulily

You know I don't do cocktails -- or parties.  But there's something about a little black dress that screams "Wrap me in garland!"

So I did.

That's all.  You can go back to wrapping fruitcakes and Furbies.  

Pop Goes the Evil: Corns and (Pineapple) Palaces

 That 70s Grow Necklace

Top: Self Esteem, Macy's

Skirt: TJ Maxx

Shoes: Guess, DSW

Bag: Old Navy

Flower bangle: Mixit, J. C. Penney's

Striped bangle: ZAD, Zulily

Blue bead bracelet: Cloud Nine

Beaded bracelet: Plymouth Plantation gift shop

Pompom charm bracelet: Zulily

 People of the Pineapples Necklace

Top: Decree, J. C. Penney's

Skirt: Worthington, J. C. Penney's

Shoes: Shoe Carnival

Bag: Circus by Sam Edelman, Kohl's

Belt: J. C. Penney's

Pineapple purse charm: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Palm leaf purse charm: Michaels

Catherine the Ornate Necklace

Top: Self Esteem, J. C. Penney's

Skirt: Celebrity Pink, Macy's

Shoes: Guess, Marshalls

Bag: J. C. Penney's

Beaded bangle: Amrita Singh, Zulily

Other bangles: B Fabulous

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Barrette: The Tote Trove

You've heard of Children of the Corn.  Well, this is People of the Pineapples.  Except it's a necklace, not a horror movie.  And I made it because I enjoy bringing you the best in off-putting produce.  That said, corn and pineapples aren't all that different.  Both are yellow and segmented, with a green tuft on top.  And in this case, both are haunted by undead spirits: the corn by frightening farm kids, and the pineapples by severed head silhouettes.  Which are more than likely children, too, but the kind that come from the city.

Pineapples, at least, can be playful.  As in, "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  SpongeBob SquarePants!"  The scariest thing to ever happen on that cartoon was Squidward playing his clarinet.  

But corn -- corn is something else.  It's stringy and strange and gets stuck in your teeth and dies an awful death come autumn.  Talk about Kernel Killjoy!  I've never seen Children of the Corn, and if all goes well, I never will.  Nevertheless, its namesake villainous veggie has begun to work its black magic.  Here it is, less than a week after my summer-ain't-over-until-it's-over Labor Day post, and I'm already ranting about a topic that would be more at home on Halloween.  I'm pitting the summer pineapple against the harvest corn husk -- a starch I secretly love -- and I hate what it's doing to me.

No wonder they say that corn syrup's the devil.

Here's hoping that your corn stays sweet and unspoiled.  And that it finds some other poor sap to stalk.

I'm So Hungry I Could Eat a Horse . . .

 Plucky Poultry Necklace

 Cheery Double Cheeseburger Change Purse

Dress: Zulily

Sweater: Macy's

Shoes: B.A.I.T., Zulily

Bag: Apt. 9., Kohl's

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

. . . should've been the name of Jim Gaffigan's tour instead of Fixer Upper.  The husband and I have long been fans of the pasty Midwestern food comedian and were psyched to snag tickets to his show in Atlantic City a couple of Saturdays ago.  I loved his books, and we both watched The Jim Gaffigan Show on TV Land.  So, we were all set for an evening of monologues on McDonald's and Krispy Kreme.  You can imagine our consternation, then, when Jim launched into a bit about . . . horses.  Horse races, jockeys, horse owners who seem like they've never met their cash cows in those blue ribbon photos.  The inhumane nature of horseshoes.  The idiocy of the phrase horseback riding because, where, other than the back, are you going to ride?  He even said that no one in the audience would know if he was lying about any of it or not because we were all from Philly and had probably never even seen a horse (and no, he didn't make a pun about Philly and fillies, although I don't know why the hay not).  It was kind of weird.  But also kind of awesome.  You know, in its weirdness.  (The husband really liked it and said he thought that there weren't enough horse jokes.)  He did sign off on a Hot Pockets note, though, so all was right with the fun-with-food world.

Horse or no horse, I can't do a Jim Gaffigan post without fashion featuring food.  So, order up on this Cheery Double Cheeseburger Change Purse and Plucky Poultry Necklace.  To echo the sentiments of fellow funnyman Joel McHale's The Soup, Chat Stew segment, So meaty!

Here's a not-so-short-story about Plucky Poultry.  The pendant is a dollhouse miniature, and when I first saw it, I thought that it was a lobster instead of a chicken.  And I thought, oh, that's perfect, because: 1) Whenever I'm working on something that involves glue and I leave it to dry, I keep checking on it to make sure that the glue's doing its thing, and when I do this, I (silently) refer to it as "checking the lobster pots."  Why, I don't know.  Maybe because it's folksy and strange and makes me feel like I'm doing something as high stakes as battling sharks for my dinner.  (Similarly, whenever I publish a post, I think of it as "releasing the doves."  Like at the wedding of a pesticide heiress or the funeral of a B-list pop star.)  2) Lobster makes me think of Maine and summertime fish fries.  Which makes me think of that part in Legally Blonde where Elle Woods gets to Harvard and asks for her calendar of social events and the preppy orientation guy glares at her, and she says you know, clambakes, trips to the Cape? before giving up and asking where she can find Warner Huntington III, at which point Preppy cracks, try the lido deck.  3) And finally, this crustacean-that-wasn't made me think of Jim's hatred of seafood, or, as he refers to it in Food: A Love Story, "seabugs."  (Which checks out, I guess, Indiana not being known for its shrimp cocktail.).  But this faux food charmer isn't a lobster.  It's a chicken.  Which has nothing to do with summer, Legally Blonde, or Jim Gaffigan's disgust of bottom feeders.  If anything, it's a distant cousin of Thanksgiving.  Which, come to think of it, is right in Jim's wheelhouse (elastic waist pants, Middle America fare in economy-size quantities, naps).  Which means that we've come full circle.

Just like a pumpkin pie . . . or Kentucky Derby wreath.

Hang Ten: Surf's Up, Santa Jaws

Top: Rampage, Macy's
Skirt: Decree, JCPenney
Shoes: Delicious, Zulily
Bag: Modcloth
Sunglasses: Michaels

Clover and Blueberry Gem Earrings 

Circle Gets the Square Sparkle Earrings 

Grape and Orange Gem Earrings

Originally, I was going to post just five pairs of embellished oval earrings, making for a dangling, dazzling display of (ahem) deca-dence.  Then these Christmas balls (lower right; you can barely see them, but trust me, they're there) muscled their way in, shouting, "Make way for Santa!  Summer's over, you beach bum bottom feeders!"  So, six pairs it is, for a total of twelve twinkling trinkets spread across a Rampage top that cavalierly commands, "Never Stop Shopping."

Such is the force of Black Friday, butting into the quaint, quiet harvest holiday that is Thanksgiving before the turkey's even cold, like some buttinsky uncle shooting peas at Grandma from the wobbly chair at the kids' table.  Not that I was without my own (metaphorical) veggie grenade.  I was out there with the crazy shoppers, although my mission began at the crack of noon instead of midnight.  Bargains were snagged, gift lists were hatched, and, despite my aforesaid snarkiness, I found myself caught up in the excitement of the season.  So much so that I popped back into Marshalls the following Monday to check on some pastel potted cacti with happy faces (which were, in my mind, earmarked for my Arizona room, a.k.a. sunroom-slash-office.  Hey, houses need presents, too.)  But, alas, when I reached their perch between the candied orange peel and metallic gold deer heads, only one was still waiting for me.  Which was no surprise, cacti being, like Hansel, "so hot right now."  Besides, this was what-will-you-find-today-Marshalls, not the Smiley Succulent Emporium.  Although come to think of it, a store like that's not a bad idea.  Except it should be called Oren's Oasis, with Oren as a saguaro cactus wearing a cowboy hat and a rakish grin.  Both on the sign and in costume.  Now, who has the gravitas and comedic chops that such a complex role demands?

I'd better start saving up to pay Owen Wilson.

Soft Serve Curve: When Life Hands You Lemons . . .

Pink and Orange Pompom Necklace

Top: Rite Aid

Skirt: Forever 21

Shoes: First Love by Penny Loves Kenny, JCPenney

Bag: DSW, embellished by Tote Trove

Belt: Marshalls

Sunglasses: The Tote Trove 

Blue and Green Pompom Necklace

Top: Material Girl, Macy's

Skirt: Material Girl, Macy's

Shoes: City Streets, JCPenney

Bag: Marshalls

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

. . . wear a shirt that looks like lemonade.  Not, of course, that you need a reason to strut your stuff in sunny citrus.  After all, what else has all the rustic charm of a Mediterranean village and the free-spirited flair of a Caribbean island wrapped up in one tidy rind?  (You know, other than Bob Marley touring Tuscany).  To keep the exotic edge of these tops, well, edgy, I added punchy pompom necklaces that all but shout passport.  As soft, sweet, and bright as the juiciest fruit grove, they've got summer on a string -- er, wire.

Better than a bird, as Tweety and I always say.

Sun Rise/Sun Set, Simmer in Silence My Tangerine Pet

Quirky Cleo Necklace

Top: JCPenney

Skirt: XOXO, Macy's

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Bag: Lily Bloom, JCPenney

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Arts and Crafts Corner Charm Necklace 

Top: Marshalls

Shorts: Merona, Target

Shoes: Payless

Bag: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Scarf: Express

Barrette: The Tote Trove

Orange bangle: Target

Blue bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Yellow bangles: B Fabulous

Ring: Making Waves, Ocean City

Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's

Blueberry Creamsicle Necklace

Dress: Bisou Bisou, JCPenney

Shoes: First Love by Penny Loves Kenny, JCPenney

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's

Jacket: Mossimo, Target
Skirt: H&M

Who needs an orange tabby when you've got plush produce that never says peep?  Not this hairball-hating craftista!  So say hello to my furry friend, Etsy-spawned pillow Julius:

Happy Orange Pillow, Bubbledog

I realize that the word "simmer" in the title of this post makes it sound as though I'm cooking a cat a la ALF, but I assure you that no animals were harmed in the making of this post.  Unless you count the spider that skittered out from under my bed when I fished out my shoes.  (I do not.)    

Anyhoo, this week's outfits give a shout-out to Florida's finest in tangy shades of orange and yellow.  One of the purses is even in the likeness of Mr. Ray himself, complete with sunglasses, and another boasts a tropical sunset.  Also, there's a bomber jacket embroidered with palm trees, which, although not technically part of these outfits, is, in addition to having been half off, pretty darn sizzling.  Yep, some like it hot.  But not too hot.  Anyone who's ever had a wicked sunburn knows this first hand (or foot, piggies often being the first appendage to cook).  Which is why I made turquoise-accented jewelry to provide a cool contrast to these smokin' ensembles.  (Not real turquoise, just stuff that's [faintly] turquoise colored.  Hey, this isn't the Phoenix airport!)  Just think of them as the aloe of costume accouterments.  Soothing, day-glo, and fragrant*, they'll cure all your wardrobe woes and wounds.

*Please note that these necklaces don't smell like anything, except maybe metal and spider guts, er, coconut body spray.  But I needed a third adjective to round out the series, and "fragrant" had a nice ring to it.  Also, it met the criteria for the third of the five senses that apply to lotion (tasting it would send you straight to the ER, and hearing it would send you to, well, a whole other branch of medical professionals).  

So until next time, soak up your vitamin C (and D!) and stay on the sunny side of the sweet.

Also, don't drink the aloe.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chinos! And Happy Memorial Day

Color Wheel Zeal Charm Necklace

Tee: Merona, Target

Shorts: Merona, Target

Shoes: Rocket Dog, Marshalls

Bag: Lily Bloom, JCPenney

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Orange bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Red bangle: B Fabulous

Barrette: The Tote Trove

Ring: Making Waves

Mixed bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Blue bangle, B Fabulous

Shape Shack Charm Necklace

Top: Delia's

Shorts: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: H&M

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

Belt: Kohl's

Yellow bangles: B Fabulous

Green bracelet: Parade of Shoes

Blue ring: Delia's

Pink ring: Delia's 

Whistle While You Smirk Charm Necklace

Tee: Merona, Target

Shorts: Merona, Target

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bags: Charming Charlie

Sunglasses: Michaels

Pink/white bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Pink/blue bangle: Mixit, JCPenney

Ring: Making Waves

If you were expecting a ceramic, bush-sprouting kitten, sheep, or turtle (or, these days, an emoticon, Hello Kitty, or Darth Vader), then I'm sorry to disappoint you.  Because it's not these horticulture-meets-pop-culture kitsch icons that are being thrust into the limelight today.  It's shorts, the classic, cotton prep school kind that this one-time daisy duke diva swore she'd never wear.  But being in one's mid-thirties brings its clothing concessions, and I don't mean the kind that come with Cheez Whiz.  Thankfully, Target's Merona brand makes stylish chinos for every body and I, never one to miss a shopportunity, have snagged several pairs.  So break out the Nair and banish that hair (I started this '70s theme, and I'm sticking with it, no matter how stinky) and glam up your gams, because, hey kids, it's summer.  (Or not.  I hear palazzo pants are making a comeback).

Wait, what's this?  Daisy Jean, intrepid public school dropout, has crashed the BBQ after all, having wedged (or perhaps I should say wedgied) her brazenly embroidered self between Rebecca and Kathryn (a.k.a. the chinos). In true rebel mode, she hitched a ride on my Kohl's gift card one day and flat out refused to let go.  But I'm glad she did because she goes with tons of tops in my closet.  Tanks, tees, crops (if DJ is here, then crops are fair game), and peasant tops are all made more magical by her rustic-rough edge (if you can call daisies and/or Lauren Conrad edgy).  Also, she's roomier (i.e. more forgiving) than the cutoffs of my youth, which means that I can hit the Memorial Day buffet with abandon.  Cheez Whiz, here I come.

You know what else is magical?  This week's necklaces.  Or maybe I should say charming.  Because I had such a good time making them that it was like I was under a spell (also, 'cause they're made of, um, charms).  Whistle While You Smirk, Shape Shack, and Color Wheel Zeal are everything I love in neckwear: colorful, quirky, and reminiscent of a clown costume (why, oh why, didn't I name my shop The Circus Trousseau when I had the chance?).  I was so excited that it was tough to tear myself away from my pliers and beads (not to mention my "Mindy Project" binging) this weekend, but somehow I managed.  As they say, Memorial Day is the Friday night of summer vacation, and I didn't want to miss out.  What?  They don't say that?  Well, they should.  I'll email them at once, just as soon as I find my AOL password.  

In the meantime, enjoy these shots of the island: 

 

Write On: Girl Flower Power

Dazzling Daisies Necklace

Top: XOXO, Macy's

Skirt (a dress!): JCPenney

Shoes: Penny Loves Kenny, DSW

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's

 Funky Flowers Necklace

Top: Rebellious One, Macy's

Skirt (another dress!): Modcloth

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Marshalls

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Belt: Marshalls

Crazy Daisy Necklace

Top: Wet Seal

Skirt (another dress!): Monteau, Marshalls

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Nordstrom

Belt: Marshalls

Sunglasses: Michaels

Flowers are pretty amazing.  Despite looking delicate, they weather wind, rain, and scorching heat, many of them coming up, all by themselves, year after year.  Tough and resilient, they can withstand anything -- and also are lovely to look at.  Which is why I decided to use some retro-licious ones in my latest necklaces, two of which feature funky fresh daisies.

Flower power is also feted in the recent Amazon original series "Good Girls Revolt."  Not to be confused with the movie Youth in Revolt, in which Michael Cera plays his usual beta boy as well as an evil twin alter ego (dude, he blew stuff up.)  But this post isn't about Michael Cera's identity crisis.  It's about three young women fighting to find their way in a 1969 newsroom.  Relegated to the roles of "researchers," Patti Robinson (Genevieve Angelson), Cindy Reston (Erin Darke), and Jane Hollander (Anna Camp) do all the legwork -- and in many cases, the writing -- for the articles for "News of the Week" while the male reporters get all the bylines -- and all the credit.     

"Good Girls Revolt" is about men -- husbands, boyfriends, and bosses -- keeping women down, a sobering theme softened by its showcase of swinging 1960s style.  Minis, boots, and long hair war for attention with circle pins and bouffants.  Each of the three main characters has her own signature look: Patti goes for boots and boho pieces in flowy florals and earth tones; Cindy opts for hand-knit vests, quirky jewelry, and playful minis and overalls; and Jane favors ladylike dresses, bowtie blouses, classic jewelry, and kitten heels.  Indeed, Patti wears a simple strand of love beads in each episode, subtly reminding us that she is the rebel.  She challenges both her boss and her boyfriend (who, however informally, is her boss of sorts, too) to give her more demanding assignments and see her as more than a prospective wife or handmaiden.  Nothing changes, so she enlists the help of a civil rights lawyer (an indomitable Joy Bryant), eventually motivating the entire researcher staff to file a class action lawsuit against "News of the Week."  But as her heart is tested and alliances shift, her moxie falters, revealing her vulnerabilities and the cost of change.

Although a tale of ambition and social consciousness, "Good Girls Revolt" is also a good old-fashioned drama ripe with romance and the complexity of female friendships.  Each episode opens with a groovy montage of feminine -- and feminist -- images, and the music is always kick-ass.  If the show sometimes seems a bit earnest, then it's because it's about young people who care about something in a time when politics and passions run high.  Because youthful indignation, however entitled, can remind us of what is important.      

Sounds like more than a beehive in a bonnet to me.