Happy Haunt Jaunt: Jackets and Jack-o-Lanterns

Halloween means spooky times, tons of treats, and a chill in the air.  It's the chill that brings the thrill, of course -- the thrill of breaking out jazzy jackets!  Um, don't you mean costumes, oh esteemed Tote Trove lady?  No.  I mean jackets.  Because a jacket is a lot like a costume -- colorful, fun, and cape-able of turning anyone into anything.  Here's the cream of my top layer crop.  Two are oldies but goodies; one is as fresh as roadkill.   

This first jacket is a Wild Fable favorite.  Sure, it's more Saved by the Bell than Satan's ball.  But I'm willing to let that slide because of my hair horns. 

And here's the new kid on the blog, decked out in day-glo.  Sorry, Joseph A. Banks, but Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat has claimed this happening hoodie.  It's from Dolls Kill by way of Delia's.  Which, if you ask me, is pretty Halloweeny.  Most Dolls merch is mucho edgy.  To give you an idea, it comes packaged in black bags emblazoned with a knife-wielding Kewpie.  It's a sight that never fails to unnerve me.

And finally, faux fur fires up stormy denim.  Black is a fitting shade for this day of undead and its feathered friend -- or perhaps I should say feathered Poe.  Nevermore, That's So Raven, said some Nickelodeon exec at some point one day.  Mr. Foe (for I've made my decision; this foul fowl is not to be trusted) is the only frightening thing in this picture.  Unless you count my closed-eye smirk of a creepy doll impression.  Watch out, Kewp, I'm coming for you.

You could probably tell by my tongue-in-cheek tone, but I like Halloween only a little.  And even then, it has to be playful as opposed to spine tingling.  Observe the quirky cute cover of this murder mystery in which a mean woman dies in a way that's not at all gory.  

The husband, on the other hand, likes Halloween a lot, and the darker and more macabre the better.  (Who do you think bought that raven?)  This is his beloved reproduction of a Van Gogh self-portrait that haunts our hallway every October. 

The husband and I agree that Vinnie was a sad, misunderstood man who died way too young.  Even if he did want to marry to his cousin.  

Speaking of which . . . whoa.  It's a Poe-Van Gogh crossover.  Two dark dudes and artistic geniuses who had the hots for their uncles' offspring.  Who would win in a weird, tortured, incestuous-even-though-it-was-olden-times, dead guy contest?

My money's on Vinnie.  People who cut off their own ears mean business.

Video Grilled the Radio Star: Fry No More, Cyborgs, We've Bot You

Work That Circuit Necklace 

Butterfly Bling Barrette 

Work That Circuit Earrings

Top: Wild Fable, Target
Skirt (a dress!): Macy's
Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily
Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's
Belt: Gifted
Purse Charm: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

If it's wrong to blog about a book just because you like its cover and title, then I don't want to be right.  The book in question is Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore, which is a novel by Robin Sloan.  Still, I'm a little ashamed to be slamming it, however gently, even if I am more enamored with its green screen-slash-book spine cover art than its contents. 

Penumbra is about an out-of-work web designer who takes a job in a super old bookstore owned by the super old and kindly if eccentric Mr. Penumbra.  Of course, it's no ordinary store, but the front for a covert operation.  Which I realize makes it sound like the Mafia's running narcotics through The Chronicles of Narnia or something.  But that isn't what's going on.  (For one thing, the stock doesn't lend itself to Narnia or much of anything that anyone's heard of.)  The secret is more of the Harry Potter variety, with a little "Silicon Valley" tossed in, and the result is less than compelling.  Yet although the mystery is unsatisfying, Sloan's writing style is anything but.  Succinct and steeped in the dry wit that's the parlance of hipsters and techies, it hints at the promise of something.  And it's a something that I plan to further explore in another Sloan book, Sourdough: or, Lois and her Adventures in the Underground Market.  This one is about an engineer who turns her career bitterness into baked goods.  So, rebellious and homespun, not to mention feminist.  Sounds like a bake-off blue ribbon winner to me.     

Which kind of sort of brings us to this post's Work That Circuit necklace and earrings.  They combine not only the aesthetics of the techie and girly, but the idea of the machine meeting the human, of the lab blurring with the late-night rager.  Which begs (okay, very quietly and perhaps apologetically whispers) the question: Are PCs and people so different?   

Um, yes.  Yes, they are.  Unless you count Alexa among your nearest and dearest.

I guess Penumbra's not the only one peddling dead-end puzzles here. 

Somewhere out there Mr. Sloan is hate-smiling. 

Diamond in the Stuff

Candie's, Kohl's

If you're a regular reader, then you know that I think that the '90s were a fine time for fashion.  The glam '90s, that is, not their flannel and combat boot-clad but arguably hipper, fresh-from-reform-school stepsisters.  Skinny belts?  Pleather skirts?  Hard Candy nail polish with those cute matching rings?  Check, check, and check please!  Back when girl world was ruled by Sassy and Wet Seal, this was a look I loved in all of its sweet-tart, holographic glory.  Just toss me a pair of clunky loafers, and I'm back in eighth grade again.  On second thought, don't.  Funky loafers or not, I'd rather be courting forty than stuck at thirteen.

You know what else came from the '90s?  Jewel.  She gave us "Who Will Save Your Soul," "I Was Meant for You," and "Foolish Games."  And then she gave us "Intuition," that club song that became a jingle for the Schick razor of the same name.  On the one hand, I thought that it made her a sellout.  But I also got that she didn't want to go back to that van.

Crazy thing: I was all set to publish this post when I received this as a freebie in my Zulily package:

It's like Zulily was reading my mind.  I couldn't not photograph it.  Talk about, ahem, intuition!

Speaking of jewels from days gone by, here's a trio of tops that have three '90s things going for them:

Satin 

Or rather, high shine polyester that's the reigning queen of wash-and-wear-if-you-dare.  

Leopard 

It's subtle yet slick and gently embossed.  Like that other '90s fabric, brocade.  

Jewel Tones 

Behold a yellow brick road of ruby, topaz, and fuchsia!  I challenge anyone who says that this last Barbie shade doesn't belong with gemstones.

They say good things come in threes, and I think I've proved it.  Then again, they also say that about deaths.  Clothing-wise, that applies more to leather.

You know.  Cows.

Spend and Snap: Perks Every Time

 80s Ella Barrettes

80s Emma Barrettes 

80s Elly Barrettes

Top: POPSUGAR, Kohl's
Floral skirt: Stoosh, Macy's
Peach skirt: Amazon
Shoes: Jessica Simpson, ROSS 
Bag: Xhilaration, Target
Belt: Wet Seal

Ah, the bend and snap.  A time-honored, much-documented parlor trick for snagging a man's attention.  Actually, I don't know about much-documented, as the only place I've seen it is in Legally Blonde.  But the dance number that exploded in that Cambridge salon was enough to convince me that it was something that girls in the know knew about.

The same can be said about barrettes (also brunettes, but that's an argument for another day).  They may not have an 83% return rate on a dinner invitation, but they do offer a 100% guarantee that you won't eat alone.  Which is to say that your barrette buds will always be with you at the breakfast buffet.  As long as you can cough up the couple of dollars to pay for them and your coffee.

Yep, barrettes are the bomb (remember when people said that?).  Here are a brunch, er bunch, that I didn't make:

Some are as photogenic as a Christmas ham, whereas others look like they oozed out from under a seven layer salad (I see you, sequins.  Beauty queens and kidney beans are the only Bs where you belong.).  But in the end that doesn't matter because they're all part of one big, happy hair family.

So, locks and lox, perfect together.  Just as long as you don't find a hair on your bagel.  

Which is why -- barrettes or not -- I steer clear of buffets. 

Chore Bore No More, Good Times in Store

Ugh.  Grocery shopping.  I hope we don't get that chatty checker who always asks what's up with all that yogurt.

Ooh, what awesomely packaged dried fruit snacks . . . that I'll never eat.

Ugh, grocery shopping again.  I just inhaled a hot fudge sundae, so it's all about those heart healthy hint of salt Triscuits.

Yay!  Grocery shopping!  Slightly elevated cholesterol be damned; time to gorge on Oreos!  

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most people don't like grocery shopping.  There are so many obstacles: lumbering, muttering, sputtering crowds; big ass displays of gravy-flavored potato chips; and "balance what you eat and do" stickers reminding you that you should be buying kale instead of Ben & Jerry's.  For me, the necessary evil of procuring foodstuffs lands somewhere between doing crunches and scrubbing the toilet.  But for the husband it's an adventure.  He loves to cook and loves to eat (I feel honor-bound to mention that he's nowhere near being a three hundred pounder) and never fails to marvel at what's new on the shelves.  Mug cakes?  Tiny bananas?  Stout-flavored cheese?  He's there.  When we first moved in together, I found these trips to be a trial.  We always went on Sunday, and I always wished I was sleeping or reading or watching TV.  Once and a while I'd go by myself after work.  Which seemed like a great solution because I was so much quicker -- until I'd get to the checkout and realize that I had to lug all that stuff, case of water and all, by my lonesome.  Then, somewhere along the line, I realized that stockpiling produce and, yes, empty carbs, as a twosome could be kind of  fun.  I stopped focusing on the downside and began seeing the aisles through the husband's eyes, bursting with flavor and possibility.  Not to be a cheese ball (although Herr's cheese balls are super tasty), but now I appreciate that our weekly pilgrimage isn't just about crossing something off the to-do list, but about doing everyday stuff together.  You know, going on that great big yet oh so ordinary date that is life.  Kind of like that Mallrat (not to be confused with the Kevin Smith movie) song:

"I just wanna get groceries
I'll pray that you wanna get close to me
I'll give it some, give it some, give it some time
But I think that we're supposed to be
And if you wanna get groceries
And if you wanna get close to me
Just gimme some, gimme some, gimme some sign
I think that we're supposed to be"

In other words, you haven't looked into someone's soul until you've seen them buy toilet paper.  Also, a plunger.

Somehow it all comes back to toilets.

Ice Cream Dream: A Case for Columbo/Columbus

One Columbus Day, many years ago, my parents and I went out for ice cream.  My dad drove to all our usual spots only to find each closed for the season.  He and my mom were flummoxed; why couldn't they get this treat of all treats when it was still so nice out?  "Um, because it's October?" I remember snarkily saying.  (Did I mention that I was in high school?  And obviously none too popular if I was spending my day off scouring South Jersey for dessert with my parents?)  They admitted defeat and we went to the mall, which at the time had a Kohr Brothers-slash-Rita's.  We all got pumpkin custard and agreed that it wasn't that great. 

Now would be a good time to make a bad joke about how the Kohr Brothers custard should have at least been Columbus, er, Columbo fro you, an offering last available at that same mall in the early '90s.  But instead I'll talk about my new ice cream purse charm.  It's LC Lauren Conrad, and I got it today at Kohl's for just $3.53.  Because to me, there's no better way to spend Columbus Day (or any holiday) than bargain shopping.  Nor is there any better ice cream than the kind that lasts forever. 

Or, at least until the mice get to it.

So, if you're a student, teacher, or some kind of government worker, here's hoping that your day off was delicious.  And also that the mice never find you or your favorite trinkets. 

Brie TV

Every Hot Dog Has its Play Necklace

Top: Wet Seal
Skirt (a dress!): Modcloth
Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily
Bag: Nordstrom

Belt: Marshalls 

 Oh What an Oval Necklace

Sweater: Wild Fable, Target

Skirt: Amazon

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

Bag: City Streets, J. C. Penney's

Scarf: A. C. Moore

Sunglasses: Target

Gnome: Target

Four Feathered Friends Necklace

Dress: Candie's, Kohl's
Top: Vylette, Kohl's
Shoes: Worthington, J. C. Penney's
Bag: Lily Bloom, J. C. Penney's
Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon
Red bangle: B Fabulous
Yellow bangle: Silver Linings
Lime bracelet: Cloud Nine
Purple bracelet: Etsy

Um, Brie TV?!  Yeah, Brie, that fancy cheese baked with honey and candied walnuts and other gourmet gooeyness.  As opposed to something more basic and chemical-choked.  Like spray cheese.  But we'll get to that.  

If you're thinking that there's something different about these pictures, then you're right:

Outfit #1

I used the Windows photo editor to draw on the dress, which is something I've never done.  The peplum got lost in the light, and I thought, I have a fix for that!  One tangerine line later, and this ruffle was ready to rumba.  

Outfit #2

The off thing here is the gnome.  The outfit needed something else.  Why not let that something be a small man dressed in pastels?  

Outfit #3

This one doesn't have anything weird going on.  But it does boast the only brand-new piece in this post, namely the lime turtleneck.  

Which is no small thing.  Because new clothes mean good times.  

If there's a baby shower you don't want to go to or a test you don't want to take, then wearing something fresh off the rack makes you feel better.  Or, at the very least, distracts you by giving you something cool to look at.  "The Big Bang Theory's" Penny said it best: "You know, sometimes when I'm feeling all stressed out about something, I go out and buy a cute top or a fun skirt, and I have a whole new outlook on life."  Of course, then Sheldon said, "Don't you eventually realize you're the same stressed-out person in a cute top or a fun skirt?", forcing Penny to deadpan, "Yeah, that's when I buy shoes."  

Oh, Sheldon.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: TV has so much to teach us.  On the cheeseboard of life lessons -- for yes, there is a cheeseboard -- it's the aforementioned and beloved Brie.  

See?  I told you we'd get there.  

A couple of weeks ago, I heard this golden nugget (or maybe I should say artisanal cheese curd) on "Single Parents."  Miggy (Jake Choi) starts temping at Angie's (Leighton Meester's) office and, to Angie's horror, likes it.

Angie: "What about the small talk?"

Miggy: "I love it!  Small talk is the busy work of conversation."

Busy work and small talk appeal to Miggy because he doesn't have to think about them.  They're so empty that they're effortless, and that, of course, is the joke.  But Angie has no time for such nonsense.  To her, weather chitchat is a tedious pretense requiring energy better spent on emailing exes.  The takeaway?  Some people are not people people.  

Even soap operas have wisdom.  Take "One Life to Live."  Despite being a show that I've never watched, it has a name that all but bludgeons us with a reminder of how precious time is.  Not unlike "Days of Our Lives" (I missed this one too; I was a "Guiding Light" fan).  Everything I know about "Days" I know from "Friends."  Specifically, that it made Joey spout off a deep thought after watching it for his audition.  It was something about how the characters on the soap are living the days of their lives while he and the rest of the Central Perkers are living the days of their lives.  Anything that makes Joey think about something other than sex and sandwiches is worth its weight in cliffhangers.

Not so smug are we now, Learning Channel?     

I Spy Cat's Eye

Some people dread the dentist.  But my nemesis is the eye doctor.  And I use the term doctor loosely.  Because optometrists and ophthalmologists have about as much in common as Milli Vanilli and Adele.  You'd think that knowing this would calm me down to near cockiness.  But last Sunday, when it was time for my yearly eye exam at a Visionworks shoehorned between Moe's and David's Bridal, I still felt pressure to pass all those tests.  Not as much as I used to, mind you.  But I hadn't achieved that coveted cool as a cucumber status.  Or maybe I should say cool as a carrot status because carrots are supposed to be good for your eyes.  

Anyway, you know the kinds of tests I mean. What's the smallest line you can read?  Which line is clearer, one or two?  Two or three?  How many aliens are in front of the farmhouse?  (I made that last one up.  But I think that the tests should be more entertaining, especially the air puff one for glaucoma.  Hearing a Mario Brothers storming the castle sound effect when you get punched would make it less scary.)  I was even more on edge because my nearsighted self wears glasses only to drive, a behavior that compromises my ocular integrity, making the kindly optometrist (for he is kindly, despite his choice in profession) suspicious.  This, I realize, makes me, not him, the Milli Vanilli.  His questions went something like this: So, you don't wear your glasses when you go to the movies?  Or when you watch TV?  Or use the computer?  No, no, and no.  But wouldn't things be clearer if you did?  Well, sure.  But I'm not blind (despite what that guy at the DMV once said).  And seeing every wrinkle on Brian Austin Green's face while I watch "BH 90210" isn't something I want in my life.  

Nor is being known as someone who wears glasses.  Not that there's anything wrong with glasses.  Daria rocked them like the badass she was, and "The Big Bang Theory's" Bernadette wouldn't be Bernadette without them.  It's just that they're not me.  

  

That said, fun and funky sunglasses like these are the only lenses I want on my face.  And yes, these pics do get slightly smaller as you make your way down.  Which Tote Trove lady is clearer, daisy cat's eye or red hearts?  Red hearts or purple hearts?  Purple hearts or invisible alien?  

Guess what?  After all that angst, it turns out I didn't even need new glasses.  

Which was just as well because everyone knows that Mr. Green doesn't have wrinkles.