Insects Appeal Served up Spot: Spring Has (Sort of) Strung

 Fabulous Felt Foliage Barrettes

Elegant Arachnid Necklace

Dress: Xhilaration, Target

Tank: Worthington, JCPenney

Shoes: Delicious, Zulily

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

High Tea Helen Necklace

Top: Decree, JCPenney
Skirt: Modcloth
Shoes: BCBG, Macy's
Bag: Glamour Damaged, Etsy
Sunglasses: Party City
Barrette: The Tote Trove

Springtime means spiders.  (Sure, Halloween means spiders too, but this isn't about that, so stop back in October.)  Even if on this year the first day of spring found creepy crawlers crushed under a snowbank.  Luckily (Wait, luckily?  Am I really lamenting that spiders and their ilk will be fashionably late this season?  No.  What I'm really, ahem, ticked about is the delay in sunshine and warm weather, not the stalled appearance of eight-legged losers.  Because I find insects only one rung below ice on the season-related nuisance ladder.).  Luckily But (there we go) spring also means things that are ladylike.  Like flowers and bows and tea parties.  

So, I've got a rep from each camp here in Elegant Arachnid and High Tea Helen.  (There's Fabulous Felt Foliage, too -- but she's just an interloper.)  Despite my aforementioned disgust, there's something beautiful about the anatomical design of those we more often than not stomp with our Skechers.  That's why I was so taken with the silver- and gold-tone bee, spider, fly, and beetle in the brilliant bib of Elegant Arachnid.  (It's not braggy for me to say it's brilliant because I didn't carve these critters from metal my own self; that honor goes to whomever supplied them to Hobby Lobby.)  It was so detailed and gorgeous that I felt compelled to surround it with botanical blue-green beads, showcasing each insect as a magical mistress of her own enchanted forest.  You know, as opposed to bathroom floor roadkill.             

Then there's Helen.  I can see her now in her floral dress, white gloves, and beribboned hat, delicately sipping Earl Grey from bone china at her aunt's garden party.  Trying not to fall asleep as Mitzy McNeal yammers on yet again about her sciatica, she feels something whisper-soft on her arm.  She looks down, expecting to see an errant daisy petal or maybe even a runaway strand of her own auburn hair.  But instead there's a tiny spider, black and agile as it darts with precision across her pristine white skin.  She opens her mouth to squeal, but no sound comes out.  She looks at Mitzy, but her companion is oblivious to her plight, prattling on about how she can't even water her prize roses anymore, the pain is so agoniiiiizing.  Helen picks up her napkin, poised to cover the intrepid trespasser, and is about to go in for the kill when she pauses.  Because there's something appealing, regal even, about the arachnid.  Maybe she's read Charlotte's Web one time too many, but Helen is struck that this spider might be more than just another web-spinning sucker.  Maybe it has hopes and dreams, or little bitty baby spiders at home.  Gently, she sets the napkin back on the table.  Then she brushes the spider from her arm, watching as it falls past the wrought-iron tabletop down to the lush carpet of green grass below.  

Tea time, free time, no parlor for this fly.  

Boys Don't Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses . . .

 Fabulous Felt Shannon Brooch

 Fabulous Felt Erin Brooch

Fabulous Felt Patty Brooch

Top (a dress!): Modcloth
Skirt (also a dress!): Modcloth
Shoes: Payless
Bag: Betsey Johnson, Boscov's
Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

. . . unless those glasses are filled with Guinness.  Which I realize sounds, ahem, shady because eyewear can't hold liquid let alone the Emerald Isle's signature stout.  But then again, all manner of magical madness is on tap on St. Patrick's Day.

At least that's what these leprechaun-loving ladies are thinking.  (And no, when I say leprechaun, I don't mean the horror movie starring a young Jennifer Aniston.)  Meet Shannon, Erin, and Patty, the newest members of the Tote Trove hat ladies guild.  Which, believe you me, ain't no book club.  They're off to paint the town green, starting at the local pub for a rousing round of Irish-themed trivia and pin-the-tail-on-the-Mother-Superior before indulging in a pint or two -- and then, just maybe, some pint-sized men.  Festive to a fault, they're decked out in holiday hats and sunglasses, reading glasses' less-than-well-behaved second cousin.  Because nothing says single and ready to mingle like a pair of I-can-see-you-but-you-can't-see-me cat's eye lenses.

Let's face it, St. Pat's isn't the most sentimental of holidays (unless you count caterwauling "Danny Boy" at last call).  There's no animated Peanuts special, no heart-warming kids' book called Seamus Shares a Shamrock or something.  It's all about shillelaghs and shenanigans, green beer and lime JELL-O shots, and trying to outrun the cops.

Or so I hear.  I'm usually curled up with a Shamrock Shake and a dog-eared Maeve Binchy by midnight.  

So much for mocking book clubs.

Baubles for the Birds: Beaks and Geeks

 Toucan Samantha Necklace

Chevron top: XOXO, Macy's

Striped tee: Merona, Target

Skirt: Bubblegum, Macy's

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

 Fiery Feather Barrettes

 Bright Bird Necklaces

Top: a new day, Target
Skirt: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's
Shoes: a.n.a., JCPenney
Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's
Belt: Marshalls
Sunglasses: JCPenney

Back in the day, a geek was someone who bit the heads off of chickens.  Now it's just someone who is an outcast for less horrendous yet still socially unacceptable reasons, such as speaking Klingon or wearing high-water jeans or being on a reality show spawned by Ashton Kutcher.  In other words, a geek is still someone who hovers beyond the periphery of what's considered normal.

But more often than not, normal is for the birds.  And birds of a feather frock together -- which is why Mr. Owl, Mr. Swallow, Ms. Toucan, and the feathers that let them all fly have come to roost at The Tote Trove.  No doubt about it -- avians are amazing, paradoxically delicate and strong despite their feather-light bones.  It's one of the reasons I love them (well, that and their traffic-stopping plumage).  So here are some birds from my nest -- flamingos, to be exact, which are unlike any of the winged ones pictured here.  But then that's Pinky, the perennial plucky gatecrasher.

I got this wall art from Hobby Lobby, the home of endlessly whimsical home decor and craft supplies.  It's where I found Ms. Toucan, too.  But not, sadly, her two clearanced sisters, who were snapped up faster than a cheeseburger at a tofu buffet.  I guess it's like they say: the early bird gets the worm.  Also, the geeks will get their revenge.  No, wait, that's the nerds -- the non-chicken abusers among the uncool.

You're welcome, ASPCA.

Sun Ripe Stripes and Other Hype: Hey, How's it Hanging, New Earrings?

Red/white stripe tee: Hollister, Marshalls
Navy/yellow stripe tee: Merona, Target
Serape stripe cowl neck: Chaps, Kohl's

Flirty Fruit Earrings 

Fiona Fox Earrings

Ice Cream Dream Earrings 

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears . . . so that I may bedazzle them good and proper. (Because it doesn't get much more proper than Shakespeare, despite what you might've heard.)  That's right; I've made a fresh batch of bo danglers, one to represent each Tote Trove kitsch kingdom: Carnival Candy, Rustic Romance, and Twee Party.  Each pair is tiny but mighty -- meaning that it was a challenge for this bigger-is-better-and-gaudy-is-good proponent to keep them dainty.  But far be it from me to contribute to the over-stretched earlobe epidemic.  

Speaking of challenges, it took forever to steam the three striped tops in these pictures.  It was worth it, though, because they turned out nice and smooth instead of more wrinkled than when they started -- which is what usually happens when I'm wielding an iron.  This was especially exciting because -- bonus of bonuses -- it means that I get to wear them.  Tomorrow's supposed to be windy, so I'm looking at you, weird serape-inspired, wannabe-athletic cowl neck.  

There's something trendy yet timeless about a horizon of hip horizonals (also, about the group Vertical Horizon, but that's only because I've been listening to my Now That's What I Call 1990s Pop Alternative Edition CD).  To prove it, here's a list of (some of) the old-school fools who have rocked them:

Jailbirds

Mimes

Sailors

Where's Waldo (one week later, I'm still searching for him)

The Cat in the Hat

Piglet

The Hamburglar (not to be confused with the aforementioned jailbird)

Freddy Krueger (whom I despise but feel honor-bound to include because the husband swears that I sometimes wear his sweater)

Whether nautical or southwestern or a crazy mashup somewhere in between, stripes put the all-American (and all-Parisienne; see mime above) in jeans and jean skirts.  Neither of which are pictured here, but I can spend only so much time steaming.  And screaming.  

Which is my way of saying see you later.  

Amusement Park Lark: Epic Equine Edition

Prancing Pony Charm Necklace

Top: Hollistser, Marshalls

Skirt: Amazon

Shoes: B.A.I.T., Zulily

Bag: Sugar Thrillz, Dolls Kill

Belt: Candie's, Kohl's

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

Barrettes: The Tote Trove

The wooden horse bead in this Prancing Pony Charm Necklace reminds me of the kind you see on carousels.  Carousel is such a lovely word, isn't it?  Upstaged by only its sister calliope, it makes me think of the Carousel of Progress at Disney World.  Also, of a revolving restaurant I once had the misfortune to visit during a fourth grade field trip.  Even now, the image of those grayish Swedish meatballs circling by in slow motion is fresh (unlike the meatballs themselves) in my mind.  And finally, the word carousel makes me think of the Merry-Go-Round, which was a unisex clothing store catering to fast teens at my local mall.  Located across from the much tonier Limited, it was even cheesier than the rotating restaurant.

Any neigh, what I'm saying is, this hoofed honey is hella nostalgic.  You know, aside from looking like something you'd win at the carnival.  For maximum fairground flair, I paired it with this borderline barber pole/candy cane/Where's Waldo? tee shirt and macaroon-hued bag and shoes.  Because real life horses may smell like garbage, but the made-up, Swarovski crystal-studded kind are as fragrant as french fries.  And no, that wasn't a reference to horse meat hamburgers.

Sadly, I can't say the same about those meatballs.        

From Philly to Phoenix: Frank Ford Flies Again

 Fringe Bene-hit Necklace

Dress: Modcloth

Shoes: Zulily

Sun bag: Lily Bloom, JCPenney

Clutch: Xhilaration, Target

Flower clip: ULTA

 Candy Craze Combs

Sweatshirt: Lisa Frank for Macy's

Skirt: H&M

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Bag: B&B

Dream Gig Necklace

Dress: American Rag, Macy's

Shoes: Qupid, DSW

Bag: The Tote Trove

Barrettes: The Tote Trove

There's something peaceful and artsy about the desert.  Especially, at least in my imagination, Arizona.  Just ask the Eagles.  (The band, not the Superbowl champs.  Not that a city boys in the 

Southwest-themed story doesn't have it appeal.)  And it just so happens that the lyrics to "Take it Easy" are especially soothing:

"Well, I'm standing on a corner

in Winslow, Arizona

And such a fine sight to see

It's a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed

Ford slowin' down to take a look at me.

Take it easy, take it easy

don't let the sound of your own 

wheels make you crazy."

Does that not paint the picture of serenity?  The (implied) blue sky against the golden-red sand, the sound of the wind drowning out the (again, implied) sad song on the radio.  Sure, the bit about the cad of a cowboy picking up (or being picked up by) yet another woman is a little questionable, but I'm willing to look past that for the sake of the song and this post if you are.  That's not the important part, anyway.  This tune is timeless because it's about the magic of living in the moment, of tucking the uneasy parts of life away.

Arizona, by the way, is also where Lisa Frank lives.  Which explains why she has those cacti dancing around her namesake logo.  You heard it here first: Classic rock and tween pop art, perfect partners in rhyme.

So inspired (because, honestly, what '90s fangirl doesn't want to somehow emulate Lisa Frank?), I designed my own desert decor.  Fringe Bene-hit, Candy Craze, and Dream Gig tell their own style story -- namely, stand back from that scorpion and all manner of poisonous vermin that lurk in the desert.  

Because if that's not a message of peace and goodwill, then we all might as well sit on a cactus.

Bubble Toy Joy: My Punny Valentines

Dress: Demi Loon, Zulily
Jacket: Marshalls
Shoes: Betseyville, Macy's
Bag: Betseyville, ROSS Dress for Less

Sweet Stuff Hairpins

If you grew up in the '90s, or raised a girl in the '90s, or walked through a mall in the '90s, . . . then you know all about bubble pendants.  (Also, the Bubble Boy.  But that's something else from the '90s.)  They used to hang next to the chokers and Koosh balls in Claire's, New Kids on the Block in the background.  (To be fair, you could find more up-market options in Macy's, but no Koosh balls or New Kids, so.)  And they came in all shapes and colors, the neon-hued, elixir-like liquid making them look like magic potion.  I loved them and, always an avid collector, had more than a few next to the Bonnie Bell and Love's Baby Soft on my dresser.  So, when I saw a bag of plastic, heart-shaped versions in the Dollar Spot at Target, I said, you're coming home with me.  I'd picked up some Valentine's treat-themed buttons a while back and knew that they -- along with some rhinestones -- would be just the thing to light up these too-cute hearts.  They turned out just as kitsch-tastic as I'd hoped, all gumball-machine prize like, which was fitting, seeing as how they started out life as party favors.  I'm hanging onto them instead of listing them in my shop.  Partly because of my die-hard collecting ways.  Partly because I don't want to get into the whole liquid/fragile/hazardous thing at the post office.  And, finally, because I like to party.  

I used the rest of the decadent dessert cabs to make hairpins, which are available in my shop (mostly because I made myself some extras :).  I embellished them with Swarovski crystals instead of rhinestones, these being on the classier end of the kitsch commodity spectrum.  Because V-day is no time to cheese it up. 

Unless we're talking fondue.  In that case, bring on the Gouda.