As a crafter, you'd think that I'd be put off by people who make fun of dabbling in felt and feathers. But instead I find them hilarious (a treasonous confession, I know). Kimberly Wrenn and Mary Watkins, the authors of Threadbared, had me in stitches as sarcastic seamstresses-that-never-were. So, in the grand Tote Trove tradition of feting the handiwork of witty wise guys, I had no choice but to blog about them.
As daughters of the South, Kimberly and Mary were raised not to swear, make fun of people, or wear open-toed shoes in December, three rules they are proud to report repeatedly breaking. Another of their inappropriate pass times is collecting vintage clothing patterns. Uninterested in learning how to knit or sew any of the items, they instead channel their creative juices into spinning sensational stories about what the pattern models may doing or thinking. Their yarns are as colorfully kitschy as the creations themselves, and indeed, are in many cases off-color. Here's one of my favorites:
"Despite his happy marriage to Barbara and successful career as a CPA, Rodger feels unfulfilled. Oh, sure, sure . . . he knows he's not the best-looking guy. But Rodger feels he has a certain something, a raw sexual magnetism that could have been properly exploited if he had only had the opportunity to pursue his dream career. For Rodger knows, deep down inside, that he should have been a model for the J. C. Penney catalog. He also knows that this dream can never be realized - the twins have just started orthodontic treatment and the house needs to be recarpeted. Barbara would never understand. But sometimes, at night when she's gone to her weekly mah-jongg game, Rodger locks the door to the bedroom and indulges in a little fantasy modeling session. Awww yeah." (93)
If that doesn't make you want to whip up (or, more appropriately, buy) your guy a cardie, then I don't know what will.
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