Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Rhyme Time Crime: Merry Christmas

Well, it's Christmas again.  Which means that it's time for revelry and reflection.  Also, murder mysteries.  Because what's cozier than a good, old-fashioned tale of who bludgeoned old St. Nick with a candlestick?  It turns out, not much.  Just yesterday, I finished reading Murder for Christmas by Francis Duncan, and earlier this month, the husband and I saw the play "Murder for Two -- The Holiday Edition" in Cape May (hence these lovely outdoor house pics).  I guess that this tradition of festive foul play started the December I got my first period.  My mom went to the library and got me a book called Mistletoe Mysteries: Tales of Yuletide Murder to read while I was in bed with cramps (insert Krampus joke here?  Nah, skip it).  Since then, Christmas and crime -- and yuletide and the crimson tide -- have been, for me, intertwined. 

As they (sort of) say down at the precinct, if you can't do the time, don't do the rhyme.  Fortunately, I always have the time.  So here's a rhyme in the form of a poem that I call Christmas with Earl.

Christmas is colorful
Christmas is bold
Christmas distracts us 
From winter's dark cold.

That's why we send cards
And buy lots of things
And smile and join in
When tone-deaf Earl sings.

It's why we drink eggnog 
And choke down fruitcake
And re-gift a Snuggie
To Earl "by mistake."

It's why we go big
Or go home with our trees
And carol for strangers
In zero degrees.

The brighter the lights,
The lighter our hearts,
The richer the cheese ball,
The louder Earl's farts.

It's all about family
And friends far and near
And spending some time
With the the ones we hold dear.

So ignite the yule log 
And give Earl a hug
And say Merry Christmas,
You batty old lug. 

Afterword: The next morning, when the family gathered for breakfast, they discovered that Earl had strangled their Elf on the Shelf with his Snuggie.  The moral of this story?  Holidays or not, just say no to unwanted house guests.  

Also, don't ever give Snuggies.  

Have a very merry -- and very Earl free -- Christmas.


Jewel Divas Style said...

Merry Christmas, Tote.

Awesome xmas outfits!

Dressed With Soul said...

Oh, yes, Christmas is colourful, no doubt! In love with your colourful Christmas looks and thanks for the wonderful outdoor pictures. I see you enjoy Christmas really with crime :)
Merry Christmas and a happy 2020!
xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena

Samantha said...

So many amazing things in this post: "yuletide and the crimson tide", that was brilliant! And the poem! "The louder Earl's farts"...LOL!!!!! You're great at poetry, that's for sure! The photos you took are amazing and so full of Christmas cheer. Those purple lights are gorgeous. Your outfits are so sunny and fun, with Christmas mixed in! That unicorn sweater is my absolute favorite, and paired with the gingerbread purse...too cute for words! I'm happy to see you had a Merry Christmas!

Kinga K. said...

Pretty Christmas deco and you, so lovely ♥