The Color Khaki: Game Show Bow

Bag: Dolls Kill; Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily; Yellow shell bangle: Later Operator, Etsy; Pink bracelet: Amrita Singh, Zulily; Yellow bangles: B Fabulous; Blue bangle: Kohl's; Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

Dress: POPSUGAR, Kohl's

Last Wednesday, while waiting for The Goldbergs to come on, I caught the tail end of Wheel of Fortune.  The final puzzle was "What are you wearing?" and the answer was, of all things, "Beige slacks."  Which was weird for a show named after a wheel so colorful they make clocks in its image:  

Clock: Fred Flare

You'd think that Vanna would stricken words signifying the shade of stale biscuits from her glittering, green goddess stage.  Because colors are important -- not just in outfits, but in identities and stories.  Sure, whenever someone utters, "Oh, he's a colorful character," you may think of a Hawaiian shirt-wearing weenie who belts out "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" every happy hour at a bar where they don't have karaoke.  Yet I guarantee that you want to hear about that guy more than khaki-clad Uncle Stu, whose biggest claim to fame is the homemade Miracle-Gro he feeds his prized begonias.  

But enough about Wheel of Fortune (for now).  When it comes to the color wheel, blue, yellow, and red are the primary colors, or, as we currently say, essential workers.  And this Fabulous Felt Bow Barrette Brooch has color all tied up.  Okay, so it's blue, yellow, and pink instead of blue, yellow, and red.  But everyone knows that pink is just red in mood lighting.  

Fabulous Felt Bow Barrette Brooch

Speaking of bows, I remember one Wheel contestant, years ago, who wore a big black bow in her hair.  It set off her yellow top perfectly and had such a fresh, vintage feel.  Then there was another player, also a woman, who wore a sparkly tuxedo top complete with bowtie.  And although I didn't know them, just knowing that they were out there, strutting their sartorial stuff on national TV when most people wore something safe, made me happy.

By the way, last Wednesday's player solved that putty-hued puzzle and went home with a boatload of cash.  So sometimes beige slacks are a win.

I hope she uses the loot to buy the pot of gold attached to her personal rainbow.

Apple of My Stye: Snack and Yellow

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Modcloth

Mint bangle: Decree, JCPenney; Blue bangle: Kohl's; Ring: Making Waves, Ocean City; Red bangle: B Fabulous; Yellow bangle: Silver Linings, Ocean City

Skirt: H&M

Shoes: Katy Perry

Candy Drop Necklace

Tights: HUE, Amazon

Bag: Mix No. 6, DSW

Dress: Kohl's

Blue bangle: Kohl's; Yellow bangle: Silver Linings, Ocean City; Red bangle: B Fabulous; Mint bangle: Decree, JCPenney; Rainbow belt: Wild Fable, Target; Yellow belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon; Black and white bracelet: Mixit, JCPenney; Turquoise bracelet: Cloud Nine, Ocean City; Ring: Wet Seal

Shoes: Mix No. 6, DSW

Turtleneck: Wild Fable, Target

Alien Admirer Barrette Brooch

Jumper: So, Kohl's

Purple bracelet: Etsy; Lime bracelet: Cloud Nine, Ocean City; Flower ring: Claire's; Red bangle: XOXO, ROSS Dress for Less; Insect ring: Miami accessory cart; Rainbow and pink bracelets: So, Kohl's; Center rainbow bracelet: Zulily

Black Cherry Bow Necklace

Tights: Poof, Boscov's

Boots: Apt. 9, Kohl's

If you've ever had a stye on your eye, then you know it's no apple (except for maybe the redness).  Far from being the object of adoration or even a nutritious snack, styes are super painful and super hard to get rid of.  I got one years ago after wearing some old turquoise eyeshadow, a fashion decision that turned out to be dicey for more than the obvious reason.  The only thing that helped the swelling go down was a product called -- and this is funny -- Stye.  My mom told me about it, and when I walked into CVS that Saturday, there it was, just like she said, on the shelf.  

These days, the only issue with my eyes is that they're sometimes half-closed, at least in the early a.m.  I'm not a morning person!  Observe exhibit A, where I'm telepathically willing my apple pal to prop my peepers open.    

Speaking of mornings, I must still have breakfast-colored clothes on the brain because I cobbled together this pastry, er, pastiche of yellow, black, and tan fabrics, one of which is, appropriately, a waffle weave:    

Tan sweater: So, Kohl's

The colors make me think of, not waffles or pancakes, but a buttery lemon Danish garnished with fancy blackberry sauce squiggles.  

Mmmm, Danish.  That makes me want a midnight snack.  I don't have any Danish, though (this isn't a bakery!).  Maybe I can scrounge up some cookies or candy.  

But most definitely not an apple.

Reboot Recruit: Saved by the Hair Gel (sponsored by Dep but not Johnny)

I scored these Saved by the Bell Uno cards from Amazon.  Because, as you know, I'm not above picking up a little something for the good of a post.  By the way, there's surprisingly little Bell merch on the market.  It was either this or an "I'm so excited!  I'm so excited!  I'm so scared!" mug, which, while hilarious, is hardly reflective of the entire cast.  But then, if you're anything like me or umpteen other '90s kids, then you already know that because you grew up watching the show and memorizing its every oddity.  You were on team Zack (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) or team Slater (Mario Lopez).  (Who am I kidding?  Everyone was on team Zack.)  You did your homework while you tuned in to the reruns that ran in the sweet spot between dismissal and dinner.  You heard the theme song when you ran to catch your own bus despite the knowledge that none of the Bayside kids ever took transportation less flash than a car.

So, as you can imagine, I was stoked to hear about the Saved by the Bell reboot, which is now available on NBCs streaming service, Peacock.  It begins thirty or so years after the end of the original show, which aired from 1989 to 1992.  An unsettlingly blond Governor Morris -- yes, Zack is now in charge of California -- has cut school funding so badly that low-income Douglas High is forced to close and bus its largely brown student body to lily white Bayside.  (To keep from hating on grown-up Zack, I had to remind myself that Gosselaar also plays the very likeable, in-touch-with-his-emotions, civil rights activist -- and I feel this is very important -- brunette father on ABC's Mixed-ish.)  This time, the show is narrated by a Latin American Douglas transfer student named Daisy (Haskiri Velazquez), dethroning Zack and celebrating the spirit of Jessie (Elizabeth Berkley).  (Not that Jessie's dead; stay tuned.)  Because as the show itself admits, Daisy is the new Jessie, an earnest girl who cares about doing what's right even when it's uncool.  Only now she's Latina and gets center stage instead of being sidelined.  Speaking of Jessie, she's there too (see, not dead!) as a PhD-toting author-slash-guidance counselor who has, as she puts it, "finally figured out her hair."  And Slater's the gym teacher and football coach.  Only he's more introspective (in response to a student's observation that he's Mexican, he wistfully says, "Yeah, no one ever asks me about that."), and he never ever calls Jessie "mama".  Although it's Daisy who voices the show, she's not without a Zack in her orbit.  As a new student, she's assigned a buddy named Mac (Mitchell Hoog), who just happens to be the spawn of Zack and Kelly.  A carbon copy of his entitled, prankster papa minus the charm, Mac is too busy hatching schemes to get to know do-gooder Daisy, much less lend her a hand.  At first.  But his almost cartoonish narcissism is a setup for the, if not nice, then at least enlightened guy he later tries to become.  Unfortunately, this version has no Mr. Belding (Dennis Haskins).  But John Michael Higgins's Principal Toddman is just as clueless and well-meaning, even going so far as to belt out a token "Hey, hey, hey, what is going on here?!"  Finally, there's one recognizable (and now very old!) teacher from the original show who reprises his own brand of out-of-touch-ness.

Unlike that weird last year with Tori, Saved by the Bell: The New Class, or even Saved by the Bell: The College Years, the reboot doesn't just capitalize on the momentum of a popular franchise.  It turns that franchise upside down and questions its values before putting it back right side up with a patronizing-I-still-love-you pat on the head.  Because Saved by the Bell may not have been 90210, but in its own way, it was just as much about privilege.  After all, it was narrated by golden boy Zack, a kid so powerful that he could stop the plot with a glib "Time out!".  Money was never a problem except in that episode where Kelly (Tiffani Thiessen) couldn't afford to go to the prom because her dad lost his job. Furthermore, racial issues seldom arose despite a semi-diverse cast that included Lark Voorhees's Lisa and Lopez's Slater.  Well, except for that time Zack got reprimanded for mocking a Native American.  And that time Jessie interrupted her own Fourth of July speech at the beach club to point out that we took this land from, once again, the Native Americans.  Of course, Bell had other problems.  For example, how could everyone spend so much time at The Max, or, for that matter, in Mr. Belding's office?  Why did all the (non-Screech) nerds look like they came straight from 1960s Central Casting?  How could the Zack-Kelly-Slater love triangle persist without hurting anyone?  Oh sure, it was silly and made no sense and was tricked out in neon colors that rivalled Malibu Barbie.  But that was just part of the fun.  Right?  Right?!    

The reboot, by contrast, takes a fresh look at high school, encompassing the struggles of students of all backgrounds and overturning stereotypes about how boys and girls should excel.  It even has a student, a super popular one, who's trans.  I think the best thing about it, though, is that it knows how to laugh at the original and, by extension, itself.  It's like a snarky Saved by the Bell super fan who's nostalgic for the good old days but has no illusions about their shortcomings.  That said, the Bell reboot isn't just a more realistic rendering of Bayside for our modern times.  It's funny, even when it's sad.  As Jessie's son Jamie (Belmont Cameli) says to Douglas transplant Aisha (Alycia Pascual-Pena):  

"If someone doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about them, then it's not a good fun.  It's a sad fun.  Like a cruise."  

They say that becoming more socially aware means recognizing that there's something wrong with every pop culture thing you loved growing up.  And I think there's some truth to that.  So, does this mean that we should renounce the feel-good but fundamentally unfair slice of selective Americana that is Saved by the Bell?  Well . . . maybe.  I'd be lying if I said that I didn't still love it in all of its hair gel and campy teen splendor.  But I like the reboot too and want to hear the other side of the Bayside story, hopefully for at least one more season.  In a way, this new chapter is the bridge that makes sense of it all, a relevant re-imagining for my generation that's in step with what today's kids already know.

I'm into the old; I'm into the new.  But Kumbaya vibes aside, I still hate the new class.

Big Summer Stunner: Mean Girls Gone Wild

I haven't read a Jennifer Weiner novel since In Her Shoes.  I did read Weiner's memoir, Hungry Heart, though, and I'm glad I did, because it explains so much about the pain of growing up, which is front and center in her latest novel, Big Summer.  Part mystery and part romance plus a commentary on social media, Big Summer's got a little bit of everything, making it a page turner.  Fluff and intrigue aside, though, its focus is female friendships.  And not just the Golden Girls-theme-song-slash-going-out-for-strawberry-milkshakes part.  But the part about women building social hierarchies so that friend or foe becomes friend and foe, or, in the more popular parlance, "frenemy."  Which is to say, friendship can be war.

In Big Summer, the brave warrior is Daphne Berg, a fat fashionista and social influencer who was always picked on in school.  Fat is Daphne's word, not mine.  She prefers it to euphemisms like plus-sized and Rubenesque, and I don't blame her.  Despite promoting yoga mats and doggie treats on Instagram, what Daphne really wants is to feel less alone and to help other people feel that way too.  Back in the day, Daphne became best friends with this rich, popular girl named Drue Cavanaugh.  Drew made Daphne's life miserable but was, as all queen bees are, a blast.  Inevitably, they had a falling out in college.  They don't speak again until five years later when a desperate Drue asks Daphne to be her maid of honor.  And that's when the true battle begins.   

Weiner's talent for describing the social dynamics of girl world is what makes her such a powerful writer.  She shares Daphne's trials in a way that's real and raw.  Reading about them sent me right back to my own school cafeteria and its swirling sea of piranhas.  Although I wasn't fat (just a bookworm in weird clothes), I know exactly what it feels like not to fit in, and I'm sure a lot of you do too.  Reliving it isn't pleasant for any of us.  But it's important that Weiner explores it in this book and others.  Because if she helps even one kid -- or adult -- work through her hurt in a constructive way and feel, as Weiner says, "seen," then it's worth it.  

To that point, in Big Summer, there's one woman who hasn't worked through anything.  Unable to let go of her past, her anger consumes her, ruining her life and the lives of others. Which is a cautionary tale if ever there was one.  Because two wrongs don't make a right, and queen bees are people too.  Remember Regina George (Rachel McAdams) in Mean Girls?  Bitch though she was, she had a heart underneath it all and stopped being mean once she channeled her rage through field hockey.  Which is about the only time I can get behind sports, but if it makes the world a kinder and gentler place, then I wholeheartedly shout, "Go team!".     

That said, Big Summer's message isn't tidy, is even, at times, contradictory.  But that makes it even more relevant.  Because life is messy.  So to my way of thinking, the book's message goes something like this: To have a friend, you have to be a friend.  But keep your friends close and your frenemies closer.  Protect yourself, but don't become so suspicious that you grow bitter.  Be grateful for what you have because, chances are, they're the very things that make other girls jealous of you.  Most importantly, revenge is a dish best not served at all.  It's better to serve yourself whatever you want, extra pounds and Internet trolls be damned.

I guess that's how you win the war.  Or at least survive the mystery meat in the mess hall. 

Hey Dude Ranch and Baby (Tee) Makes Three

Skirt: So, Kohl's

Bag: Dolls Kill

Shirt: So, Kohl's

Belt: Izod; Pink bangle: Target; Ring: Gifted; Barrettes: Dolls Kill; Green bangle: B Fabulous

Boots: Penny Loves Kenny, Amazon

Orange bangle: B Fabulous; Yellow and pink bangles: Silver Linings, Ocean City; Striped bangle: ZAD, Zulily; Bag: Apt. 9, Kohl's; Ring: Mixit, JCPenney

Skirt: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Belt: Sheplers

Blouse: Marshalls

Skirt: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Bangles: B Fabulous; Ring: Delia's; Bag: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's; Headband: A Self Portrait, Etsy

To anyone who read this title and thought, Hey, is she . . . ?, no, I'm not pregnant.  Except for maybe with emotion -- for this post!  And also for cheesesteaks (don't judge; I have one on the way 😃).

So, today we've got one baby tee and three outfits.  Maybe the tee isn't an entirely faithful rendering of the classic shrunken, lettuce-edged wardrobe staple that launched a thousand Nirvana covers in the '90s.  But it's close enough to make me nostalgic.  And don a flannel, which, ironically, I never wore then and swore I'd never wear ever.  What's next, a skull-print jumpsuit!? 

Tee: So, Kohl's

Authentic-looking or not, this baby tee is quite the chameleon.  Its basic black and cream floral print make it easy to style for a '90s-inspired outfit as well as ensembles that are more western (I heart big belt buckles!) and Lolita (polka dots and ruffles and balloons, oh my!).  It's also fab on its own, or over or under a blouse.  Okay, enough.  I feel like a commercial!

Still, it's outfit number one that has captured my heart (even if, of the trio, it includes the least amount of arterial-themed adornments).  Its '90s candy grunge vibe makes me want to stream Hey Dude and suck down a Fruit Roll-Up.

And then, of course, hit Claire's for scrunchies.

Complexion Confection: Matte as a Pancake

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

I was going through my shoes the other day when I found these spectator T-straps and thought, Oh, they look like pancakes.  No, there isn't a different color for each foot (because I'm not Helena Bonham Carter; although that would be badass, wouldn't it?); I have two pairs, one yellow and one tan.  But together they reminded me of butter and maple syrup and made me miss the days when you could go out to brunch without fear of catching, not just ptomaine from a gross griddle grill, but the plague.  Yet they didn't make me miss it enough to make breakfast (let's not get crazy now).  Instead, they inspired me to unearth my old Fabulous Felt Pancakes barrette and build a new outfit around it.  

Fabulous Felt Pancakes Barrette

This barrette, as you may recall, started an argument between a mother and son (hashtag barrette brawl) in A.C. Moore back before that store became just another brick and mortar casualty and, consequently, a playground for rats.  Their dialogue went something like this:  Mom: "They're flowers!"  Son: "No, they're pancakes!"  Mom: "They're flowers!  Me (but only after they asked for my intervention): "They're pancakes."  Insert self-deprecating smile.  

Anyway, this sweater is one of my favorites (so cozy and yellow!), and the scarf all but screams Hershey's Kisses. 

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Clockwise (starting with amber): Cloud Nine, Ocean City; B Fabulous; Mixit, JCPenney; Target; So, Kohl's

Sweater: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Skirt: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Breakfast pancakes, by the way, make me think of the other kind of pancake (lots of trains of thought going off the rails here), namely pancake makeup.  And the very best pancake powder on the market is Coty Airspun.  I've been wearing it since high school (except for a brief period when my stuck-up sophomore self would cover my zits with only Elizabeth Arden), and it's never steered me wrong.  Although light and airy (it's right there in the name: airspun), it provides incredible coverage, concealing blemishes so that my skin looks as matte and flat as, well, a pancake.  But then, Coty knows what it's doing.  The company's been cranking out this miracle makeup since 1935.  The big powder puffs on the canister even mimic those on the original cardboard packaging.  Which is so glam and retro.  And also kind of endearing.   

So, the next time I go out for a big stack of buttery pancakes, even if it's forever and a day from now on account of COVID, I'll be wearing a thick coat of this precious powder.  (Also, probably a colorful winter coat, but that's less relevant.)  

Because as many a wise and vain person has said, it's better to have pancake on your face than egg.

Breaking the Gold Mold: 99 Red Birthday Balloons

I've blogged about Betty White a lot over the years.  But today is the icon's -- wait for it -- ninety-ninth birthday!!!  So, I'd be remiss in letting her special day pass without paying a proper tribute.  By all accounts (a.k.a blurbs I've read on the Internet), Ms. White is as sharp as ever, playing word games with her friends while in quarantine.  May we all be so lucky!  That said, I'm proud to pull out this golden oldie of a Betty Brooch that I made from a tee shirt tag ten years ago.  Whoever designed it came up with the crazy cute cartoon; all I did was brush on a few sparkles.  

I also have this handy dandy new book, Golden Rules: Wit and Wisdom of The Golden Girls, which my sister gave me for Christmas.  It features fun illustrations of all four ladies accompanied by fan favorite quotes.  This one from Betty's Rose is about her being an unwitting dunce:

"We were never allowed to wear berets in high school.  It was against the St. Olaf dress code.  They did let me wear a paper cap a lot.  It was long and pointy."  

It certainly isn't the funniest thing that Rose has ever said.  But it does appear on the only two-page spread dedicated to Miami's biggest-hearted bubblehead (with the biggest and best bubble 'do!).  Also, it mentions St. Olaf, which is always a win.  Rose's homespun yarns about America's heartland never fail to crack me up, and I love that Rose has such a rich backstory, however logic-defying, from which to draw.      

Betty, I wish you the biggest, bubbliest, and best of birthdays.  No matter how old you get, you always seem young in spirit.  

I guess she who gets laughed at the most laughs last!