Reptile Resurrection: Buyer and Boa Beware

Clockwise: Mix No. 6, DSW; ALDO, Macy's; Mix No. 6, DSW; Steve Madden, Macy's; ShoeDazzle, Zulily; Mix No. 6, DSW

The only good snake is a dead snake.  Or, better yet, a fake snake.  Which is as good an intro as any to the rainbow of faux reptile rollicking here.  Once upon a time, I had a whole terrarium full of snake print stuff.  Skirts, bags, belts, you name it, I had it, choking the life out of the neighboring leopards and florals.  And then one by one, I weeded them out, thinking, these wild wardrobe sidewinders just aren't for me.  Then, about six months ago, snake print became trendy again, and I, forever a slave to fashion, was helpless to avoid its scaly embrace.  Because there's something irreverent about wearing snake print, especially in unnatural colors.  It's like you're changing the snake from an agent of death into a fun party crasher.  It's still dangerous, but in a good way.  Like riding a rickety roller coaster.  As opposed to, say, riding a rickety roller coaster run by a clown.    

So take heed, boas, cobras, and garters (especially garters, as you're the one I'm most likely to see).  Mess with me, and I'll turn you into stilettos.   

Christmas Wrap-up Runway: The Excellence of Being Extra

Tights: Isadora, Zulily

Bag: Macy's; Necklace: Carole, JCPenney; Black and white bracelet: Mixit, JCPenney; Lime bracelet: Cloud Nine, Ocean City; Hot pink bangle: Target; Yellow bangle: Silver Linings, Ocean City; Black bangle: Mixit, JCPenney; Pink bangle: Don't Ask, Zulily

Dress: Planet Gold, Macy's

Ring: PinkBopp, Etsy

Fascinator: Modcloth

Skirt: White House Black Market, Zulily

Bag: Macy's; Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

Coat: Nine West, Kohl's

Top: ELLE, Kohl's

Sweater: Kohl's

Bag: Macy's; Socks: Hallmark

Christmas is all about decadence.  And, yes, togetherness and family and all that warm and fuzzy stuff.  But as most light displays and holiday spreads reveal, it's also about can't-get-enough indulgence.  And why not?  Winter is cold and dark and, this year, all clogged with corona.  We need a distraction.  And there's none better than overdoing it on something we love.  For me -- and so many others -- that something is festive fashion.  Whether you light it up like Vegas, trim yourself high tea style (fascinators aren't just for Easter!), or cuddle up to an ugly sweater, seasonal ensembles make everything merry.  Because sometimes there's no greater gift than the one you give yourself, namely the gift of self care (or should I say elf care?  No, I shouldn't.  It makes me think of that wannabe dentist from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and route canals are most definitely not the way to a joyous Noel.).  So now that it's December 26, deck it out Parks and Rec style and finally treat yo'self to that extended peppermint bath bomb soak, extra large box of chocolate truffles, and/or after-Christmas bargain shopping spree.    

Because someone has to support the musical necktie industry.

Christmas Cardinal: Direction Connection

My cozy Christmas reading has come to an end, but the book gods saved the best for last.  I don't know how else to begin except to say that if you don't cry at the end of Fannie Flagg's A Redbird Christmas, then you've got a real Tin Man situation.  

Fifty-two-year-old Oswald T. Campbell has gone through life as an orphan -- and an alcoholic -- but is unprepared for the blow that he's dying of emphysema.  His doctor warns him that if he doesn't move from Chicago to someplace sunny, then this Christmas may be his last.  As nearly penniless as he is friendless, Oswald can't afford to relocate to Florida or Arizona.  So his doctor gives him an old brochure for a health resort in Lost River, Alabama.  Once Oswald learns that the price is right, he packs his few possessions and heads south.  

Lost River turns out to be the warmest place Oswald's ever been, both in climate and hospitality.  And so begins this classically poignant Flagg fable of small town strangers full of kindness (as well as calorie-laden, home-cooked meals that save instead of stop hearts).  Oswald makes fast friends in Lost River.  What's more, he's struck by the town's quiet beauty, discovering a love of nature that calms him even as it sparks his soul.  Soon he begins to feel better; his cough subsides, and he's no longer tempted to drink.  Yet despite its healing power, Lost River harbors tragedy.  There's Roy, the lovelorn shopkeeper, and his broken-winged pet redbird, Jack.  And Patsy, the disabled six-year-old from an abusive family who trusts animals but not people.  Flagg weaves the threads of this deceptively simple story to reveal that Roy, Jack, and Patsy are lost yet connected and that Oswald has come to Lost River, unbeknownst to him, to find them -- as well as himself.  What transpires will make you believe in magic, at Christmas and always.    

Now, if I'd stumbled upon A Redbird Christmas as recently as even last week, then I would've saved my cardinal bush for this post.  But as luck would have it, I have another set of bird ornaments (this time from Hallmark), and one of them just happens to be a cardinal -- or as they say in Lost River -- a redbird.

I also have this barn ornament (from Kohl's), which doesn't have much to do with anything except that 1) it's folksy and red and 2) I made a barn barrette when I blogged about another Flagg favorite, The Whole Town's Talking.  See?  Everything is connected!

Easter may have dibs on rebirth, but A Redbird Christmas shows that anyone can become whole again and that there's no better time for it than Christmas.  Because the blue bird of happiness may get all the glory (and the Disney credits), but it's the redbird of redemption that makes life worth all the worms.  Okay, bad analogy; birds love worms.  But I don't, so I'm sticking with it.

That said, merry Christmas Eve.  Of all the nights of the year, this one glows with the most anticipation (yes, even more than you, New Year's Eve; no one wants your tired tiaras).  I hope that yours is happy and that at least one thing you wish for takes flight. 

Cape May Christmas: Where Are They Now?

 

Last December, the husband and I took one of those Christmas house tours in Cape May.  I hadn't beensince I was a little girl, and it turned out to be lots of fun.  This year, because of the pandemic, the Cape May MAC (Museums, Arts, and Culture) is offering the tour virtually (I know because I'm now on their email list).  And that made me wonder, without the crowds of admirers this year, are the hosts sad and lonely?  Or, are they relieved not to have muddy-booted strangers, sticky-fingered children and all, traipsing through their pristine parlors? 

We'll probably never know.

That said, here are some of those homes' sedate and stately interiors:

If I could, to commemorate this year, I'd superimpose a happy homeowner hanging from this chandelier.

Huh.  I guess we do have the answer to that earlier question.  Those hosts aren't sad and lonely.  They're partying down.     

So, carry on, house tour people.  And happy, foot traffic-free holidays!  

You've earned it.

Poirot Christmas Pudding: Gettin' Figgy With It

I thought I'd read everything that Agatha Christie had ever written.  Then I read a post on the blog My Thoughts On . . .  about Christie's short story collection The Adventure of the Christmas Pudding and discovered that there was at least one extra helping and that a portion of it was holiday flavored.  (My Thoughts On . . ., by the way, is a must read, offering insightful reviews on books, movies, and the world as we know it.)  Now, I could go off on a tangent about my issue with British puddings, about how they're not puddings at all but cakes and how some of them have blood in them.  But the only bloodshed I'll discuss here is the kind connected to the crime.  

The first story in the collection, also called "The Adventure of the Christmas Pudding," features Christie favorite Hercule Poirot.  A paper pusher (it's obvious that Poirot doesn't respect him) hires Poirot to help a Middle Eastern prince in distress.  It seems that some minx has stolen the prince's ruby.  To find it, Poirot needs to leave London and spend Christmas in the countryside.  He shudders at the idea of an old-fashioned English Christmas -- an eccentricity befitting of the moustache-twirling, crime-solving savant if ever there was one.  But after being assured that the host house indeed has central heat, Poirot begrudgingly accepts.  Now it's up to him to recover the prince's priceless heirloom.  Never mind that the prince is marrying -- and cheating on -- his cousin.  Such details, as Christie assures us in her worldly way, are immaterial and to be expected.  The important thing is that justice be served -- along with the Christmas pudding!

Christmas at chez Trove is coming along, happily without the distraction of murder.  I'm still putting up my decorations.  This year, in quarantine-land, it's nice to be able to do it right.  For example, I think this is the first time that I straightened the limbs on my (fake) tree before loading them with ornaments.  I've also been taking the time to really look at every knickknack and keepsake.  I even kind of like how my tree garlands, etc. look tangled up on the floor!

Quarantine or not, Christmas is a time to be cozy -- and hopeful.  Even Agatha Christie, who exposes the darkness of the human heart like no other, succumbs to sentiment at the end of "The Adventure of the Christmas Pudding."  It's a real testament to the magic of the season.

One way or another, that Christmas pudding will get you.

Coats? Totes. Unless No One Says That Anymore.

Dress: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Bag: Dolls Kill

Pink bangle: Don't Ask, Zulily; Maroon bangle: Iris Apfel for INC, Macy's; Blue bangle: B Fabulous; Yellow bangle: Later Operator, Etsy; Ring: Delia's

Blue Bell Spell Necklace

Bag: Nordstrom

Skirt: Tinseltown, Macy's

Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon; Flower bracelet: Belk's; Green bracelet: Cloud Nine, Ocean City; Giraffe bracelet: Target; Watch: Zulily; Ring: Mixit, JCPenney

Top: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Bag: Delia's

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

Dress: POPSUGAR, Kohl's

Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon; Headband: Capelli, ULTA; Yellow bangle: B Fabulous; Striped bangle: Mixit, JCPenney; Floral bangle: JCPenney; Ring: Making Waves, Ocean City

Top: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

"Totes" and its offspring, "totes magotes," are firmly planted in the parlance of the 2010s.  The only other phrase I remember post-2000 is "throwing (someone) under the bus," which was yet another unfortunate offshoot from that beast known as reality TV.  No, the slang that really sticks in my head is the kind coined in the '90s.  First periods and pimples have a way of cementing stuff.  Here are my lingo list-toppers:

As if.

Don't go there.

Whatever.

Talk to the hand.

Not!

Not! was my favorite.  I said it a lot.  And with that settled, we can move on.  

I know there's only one coat in this post, but the plural means that there are more on the horizon (also, how else would I have wedged in "totes"?!).  This blue number is what's called a teddy coat.  Teddy as in bear because the people at Nine West think it's cuddly.  The husband thinks it looks like Cookie Monster.  Which isn't bad, as far as fictional furballs go.  At least it's not a Gremlin; I'll take it.

Coat: Nine West, Kohl's

Also on the near-junk food front, we have this Emboldened Arches Necklace.  Sadly, no French fries were harmed in the making of it.  

Emboldened Arches Necklace

And now on to calendar news!  I can't believe that next week is winter.  The sun will set on autumn, signaling Mother Nature to spin her sorcery -- and make snow cones.  So I thought now was a good time to post this fally pic of a sunset that the husband took outside our house.  I like to think of it as Pastel Parade Over the Pasture.  True, there aren't any horses.  But that barn-like structure suggests that there could be.    

Finally, here's more nature, albeit of an artificial kind:

In past years, I've perched these little red birds on my Christmas tree or banister.  This year I said, "Hang out on this holly bush.  You'll like it."  Because as every holiday hoarder knows, the cardinal rule of decorating is mixing things up.

Just like with winter weather.

Not!

Ornament Tournament: Ready, Set, Glow

It's time to gather round the lighted makeup mirror, er, fire, for a yuletide tale. This one's got all the best ingredients: grit and glitter, skill and style, and endurance and embellishment.  So slick on your snickerdoodle lip balm and snuggle under the blankets, because a-sleigh we go!

One Christmas many, many years ago, the sprites (yes, sprites is right; it's not always about those elves) decided to host a competition.  Or, as they liked to call it, a tournament -- the Ornament Tournament, to be precise.  The sprites were mostly rejected elves.  Santa rarely entrusted them with the big jobs, like making and packaging toys.  Instead, he asked them to restock candy canes or to play pranks (harmless, of course; Santa's an advocate, not a sadist) on bad little boys and girls.  But that year, most of the elves had gotten food poisoning at the company potluck (they say the candy casserole was the culprit), so Santa asked the sprites to step up.  Yet despite their newfound responsibility, the Ornament Tournament remained the sprites' top priority.  There would be two teams of ornaments, each including one high heeled pump and one lipstick.  One team would be red, and the other would be rose (or, for the more firmly prosaic among you, pink).  They'd compete in all the usual ways.  There'd be lightning speed application drills for the lipsticks and three-legged races for the heels (don't ask where the other legs would come from; when I questioned the sprites, they pelted me with snowballs spiked with Christmas lights).  A spangled senorita would not yell, but sing (she's much too dignified for bellowing), "On your mark, get set, go!," one arm poised in the air like a girl with a scarf in an old movie.  The rest of the ornaments would gather behind ropes of licorice garland to watch, their painted eyes rapt with anticipation.  Some would be team pink, others team red, but both would cheer until their throats ached.  Their chants would be as cacophonous as four calling birds and two turtledoves ensnared by an unadorned windscreen.  (The birds, just like everyone else, were used to everything being lousy with lights; remember those snowballs.).  The sprites delighted in planning it all and became so obsessed that they forgot to make the toys for Santa.  Santa, preoccupied with his own mall visiting and cookie tasting duties, never noticed until Christmas Eve (despite what you may have heard, organization isn't Santa's strong suit.)  They all scratched their sparkly heads, trying to figure out what to do.  Then the sprites remembered the abundance of merch they'd made for the Ornament Tournament.  There were lipstick and high heel-themed tee shirts, magnets, notepads, stickers, and, of course, plenty of lipsticks and high heels themselves.  The children would love them; Christmas was saved!  Excitedly, they helped Santa load the beauty booty onto the sleigh.  Then Santa took off and dropped it down the world's chimneys.  When he was finished, he drew a stiletto in stars across the night sky and sang, "Merry to Christmas to all, and to all a fab night!"

I wish I could say that this is where our tale ends.  But there were many disgruntled letters to Santa that year, one from a little girl who had been looking forward to a chemistry set and another from a little boy who had his heart set on a dollhouse.  Santa had no choice but to fire the sprites.  Happily, most of them found work with Lancome or Manolo Blahnik.  Anyone who mentioned the Ornament Tournament was condemned to eat an entire candy casserole.   

The end!  As a nod to this fateful, albeit little known, nugget of seasonal lore, I came up with two outfits incorporating red and pink.  Both are wrapped in the same belt of a bow, like pretty presents.  One even comes with champagne!

Raven Rose Necklace

Top: Candie's, Kohl's

Skirt: Amazon

Shoes: Jessica Simpson, DSW

Bag: Liz Claiborne, JCPenney

Belt: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Bangles: Iris Apfel for INC, Macy's

Old Bow Glow Necklace

Top: Pink Republic, Kohl's

Skirt: Wild Fable, Target

Shoes: Penny Loves Kenny, Zulily

Bag: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Belt: Apt. 9. Kohl's

Red bangle: XOXO, ROSS Dress for Less

Mustard bracelet: Cloud Nine, Ocean City

So, let's hear it for ornaments, the kind on the tree, and on you and me.  Red, pink, or rainbow, they give off a great glow, and even when they lose, they win.

The sprites, not so much.  Although they do bring new meaning to the expression "will work for shoes."  

And have saved generations of North Pole workers from casserole contamination. 

Christmas Book Nook: Courting Cozy

Now that December's well underway, it's time for -- yes -- season's readings!  And the first novel I crossed off my list was The Twelve Dates of Christmas by Jenny Bayliss.  Full of light-hearted warmth, Dates is the story of singleton Kate Turner.  Kate lives in a storybook village outside of London where everyone knows everyone else.  Also, she's thirty-four and looking for love.  Or rather, her friend Laura is looking for love for her -- in the form of signing her up for a dating service that pairs her with a dozen suitors leading up to Christmas.  Kate is clear that she doesn't need a man.  As an artist for Liberty of London and baker for her friend Matt's charmingly named Pear Tree Café (insert partridge joke), she's got more than enough going on.  But resistance, as they say, is futile, and before she knows it, she's off to cooking lessons, gingerbread house building contests, and escape rooms with a mixed bag of bachelors, divorced dudes, and a few Lotharios looking for a good time.  Matt, however, thinks it's all a bad idea.  He's over-protective, especially given that he and Kate had a mysterious falling out years ago, as the Brits say, at uni.  Anyway, it's none of his business, as he's got a girlfriend of his own.      

I think you see where this is going.

Still, like the dried fruit itself (bring on the produce puns), The Twelve Dates of Christmas is that rare treat that stokes your holiday spirit without making you want to throw up.  It's got the heart of a Hallmark movie, only funny and not fussy (i.e. there's some sex), two qualities, if you ask me, that those card store-branded features are lacking.  I'm especially glad that I stumbled upon Bayliss's book because last Christmas I read one too many romances that took place on ranches.  Mucking out the stalls does not a happy holiday make.  Dates, on the other hand, is full of comfort and joy, with Kate, Matt, and company downing an inordinate amount of baked goods and hot chocolate and decorating the wilds of their village with, as they put it, baubles.  What's more, Bayliss's writing is rich yet breezy, making the most of Kate's story and the yuletide theme.

Here on the holiday home front, I'm slower to deck the halls.  But the husband did haul up the decorations from the basement yesterday, and as soon as I saw the boxes, I wanted to find and photograph what he refers to as my "tree farm": 

This isn't where they'll stay, neon backdrop pics being figments of fantasyland.  I'll plant them firmly in front of the fireplace, once I get around to the rest of those boxes.

Which won't, of course, be until after I've disappeared into yet another Christmas caper.

Kite of the Living Dead

Top: Derek Heart, Macy's

Boots: ShoeDazzle, Zulily

Skirt: ELLE, Kohl's

Green bracelet: Amrita Singh, Zulily; Yellow bangle: Silver Linings, Ocean City; Strawberry bangle: B Fabulous; Ring: Gifted

Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

Bag: Zulily; Shoes: Anne Michelle, JCPenney

Dress: Modcloth, Zulily

Red rhinestone bangle: XOXO, ROSS Dress for Less; Other red bangles: B Fabulous; Scrunchies: Zulily; Sunglasses: Amazon; Ring: Making Waves, Ocean City

Jeans: City Streets, JCPenney

Made them but can't remember the names I gave them!

Top: Candie's, Kohl's

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

Normally, I'm not a fan of zombies.  That's why I've never watched The Walking Dead and can't seem to get through "Thriller."  So, I was surprised that when I started to draw, this mutant is what emerged:

Yes, folks, it's a zombie butterfly!  I almost didn't post it because 1) I thought it was too weird, and 2) colored pencils are second only to crayons when it comes to things that are unsophisticated.  But then I remembered that 1) sharing weird stuff with the masses is what I do, and 2) sophistication is for Mr. Belvedere and people who use bidets.  

Anyway, we all have imaginations.  Who knows what drives them?  When I was a kid, I often ended up drawing a beaky gent from the Middle Ages that my mom dubbed "the man with the nose."  Whether he was some manifestation of my subconscious or a mere tribute to the ear, nose, and throat racket, I'll never know.

What I do know is that I love the as-of-yet-not-undead creatures of these outfits or, more to the point, purse paraphernalia: Miss Tatty Devine, Mr. Strawberry Head, and last but certainly not least, the many faces of Miss Harajuku.    

Bag: Tatty Devine, Modcloth

Charm: Staples

Harajuku Lovers, ROSS Dress for Less

Fun, right?  I can't help but notice that their noses are nearly nonexistent.

Still, these bags and this butterfly aren't the only things that represent a fright, excuse me, flight, of fancy.  There's also this kite:

It's still enroute from Zulily, but I'm including it now to take advantage of this post title.  Also, because it's awesome.  It'll live in my craft room as an, ahem, fly on the wall, inspiring me to make creations that are hopefully more cute than creepy.    

Maybe Mary Poppins's face will pop up instead of Cruella DeVil's.