Kick Start My Heart: Feels for Heels

From left: Chase & Chloe, Zulily; Chinese Laundry, Zulily; Chase & Chloe, Zulily

I promise that I'm not getting an, ahem, kickback from Zulily to blog about these shoes. Although if Zu wanted to toss me that new pair of yellow Jessica Simpson ankle straps that I just bookmarked, then I wouldn't cry unethical. But if I can't get a pair of great shoes for free, then the next best thing is getting them for next to nothing. Because you can never have too many, and getting each pair cheaper means getting more.

It's a strong woman who can resist a new pair of kicks -- and an even stronger one who buys them anyway and endures the pain. A pain that comes, of course, from the bunions, corns, and hammer toes that are the price of fashion-forward footwear. Although today's trio isn't high on height -- or torture -- I wear plenty of pairs that rival skyscrapers. Whenever my feet sprout fresh deformities, I always think of that part in Shopaholic and Baby when Becky Bloomwood's gyno lectures her about her heels, tsk-tsking that fashion is bad for your health. This makes me angry. Becky already has to battle morning sickness and bloating; she shouldn't have to give up cute shoes, too. Then again, her gyno turns out to be a husband-stealing ass clown, so what does she know? Furthermore, the gyno's clothes are boring, which is a kind of symbol of her inner ass-clownery. You know what they say. Never trust a woman in sensible shoes.

They also say that beauty is pain. Which to me means the bunions are worth it.